498. Past
Principles
Man/Woman
Hard to process
It is hard to be with anyone today. It's hard to think of ending alone. It's hard to process these scenarios and almost any scenarios today.
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498. Past Principles Man/Woman Hard to process It is hard to be with anyone today. It's hard to think of ending alone. It's hard to process these scenarios and almost any scenarios today.
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483. Past
Principles Man/woman Putting in the time The good thing about dating an older woman, or one around your own age, is that there are shared experiences that you have just from being older. These shared experiences are not a footnote, but a major commonality. Age changes everything and to date a younger person who hasn’t put in the “time” you have, is to be alone in ways. 432. Past
Principles Man/woman Spice of life Contrary to purists, the spice of life can be important. Spice of life is the intricacy of temptation. It is tasting without diving in. It is in contrast to bluntness, callousness, and harshness. Many years ago I was dating an attractive woman, June, and then we stopped dating. Then she started to date someone else and I found myself very jealous, with feelings I rarely had recently or in the past. Surprisingly, it aroused an animal spirit in me. It felt very alive, and I felt like throwing caution to the wind. Somehow it overrode all the garbage I normally have to worry about, as my impulse dominated. Not so bad for a time. Again, it felt alive. I recently had a James Bond movie on TV, which I often have when I'm working. I wasn't watching the action or violence. What interested me were the intrigues, the innuendos, the teasing, and the subtle mannerisms. What I held in previous disdain as superficial held a new interest. It was the spice of life which I never appreciated before. The nuanced dress code, the askance glance, the ironic wit, all displayed different layers of existence. While such curiosity is not about the basics of food, clothing and shelter, they speak to humanity's bravado before inevitable demise. It is not so bad to take part in these games for a brief time. Yes, it is the ego at play, but this is part of life's experience I concluded. Of course one has to have a base to play like this. There has to be a certain comfort level to participate. Otherwise, if you play and fall, the payment can be huge, resulting in drudgery and even hardship for many years. For this reason some of us can't participate in the spice of life for too long. We can't risk it because it is a luxury. However, one can still observe and appreciate from a distance which still contributes to the flavor of living. 377. Past
Principles Man/Woman Why did he cheat? When I heard the “cheating” confession of TV talk show host David Letterman, a man who has it all, I wondered what led him to do it. I think at a certain age a man might lose belief in what he is doing, or starts doubting it, and by grabbing some pleasure that is new, transcends his feeling of being trapped. 321. Past
Principles Man/Woman Man To be king A well-known black comedian, who was a regular on Saturday night live, transformed himself from a hippie comedian to “the man.” There is something about being the “man.” It seems irresistible today for men to present themselves as the “man.” No matter the political outlook, or status, the temptation is to be king, sought after, worshiped, slick, cool, in charge, like a “Mr. James Bond incorporated.” 278. Past
Principles Men/women Vulnerable single men (Not much is written on this group, the single, aging, not rich man.) Single aging men are vulnerable. There was a man, John, who used the community pool. He walked back and forth as many of the older men did, waving his hands, expounding on any subject brought up. He was erudite and well educated. Eventually he lost a lot of money invested in Sun Microsoft during the time its shares nosedived from over 100 to a single digit. He managed on, kept a good face, but essentially was depressed and had no family or back up. Neighbors offered him advice, to socialize, to get some sun when he became reclusive, but really what he needed was not advice, but someone to give him $10,000 to repair his teeth. A year or so later they found John deceased in his apartment from natural causes. He had a decent body and used to walk, but he let himself deteriorate over time. He once half-jokingly said to me “will you take care of me when I’m really old?” He also asked me if I took antidepressants, as if everyone did. Other men, with ½ his good genetics, last a lot longer when they are in a family setting. John wasn’t and aging single men who are not comfortable usually don’t do well these days. Another decent looking man I knew was a professor in Syracuse, NY. I’m not sure if he was retired or not. We were in the pool together and a few young pretty women were visiting and he flirted with them, as they did with him in a harmless way. He had a playful look in his eyes. A year later I saw him and he seemed to have deteriorated. He wasn’t sure whether to sell his condominium or not as I recall. For that matter he wasn’t sure what to do about anything. I also recall him saying he had a sister, but she was far away and there was contention there. Then I didn’t hear from him or see him, and found out third hand that he had died. He was not that old, and originally looked in good enough health. But he had died. Again, aging single men don’t always do well. 207. Past 'Many levels with Maria' is one of 46 memory sketches from the new book 'Glimpses.' Look for the posting under Material section fairly soon.  Following is the text typed out.
'Many levels with Maria My neighbor Maria talked about there being a void in the air, an emptiness with an edge to it. Family wasn't right, people weren't right, friends weren't right, the neighborhood wasn't right, the world wasn't right. Even machines and gadgets had an attitude. Eighty two year old Lloyd was lewd to Maria, putting his hand on her thigh and suggesting certain acts to her. No, things weren't right. Later that day, wanting to send a photo to her friend showing her tremendous weight loss, she asked me to photograph her in her new "slut pants" and her belt that matched her purse her friend had bought for her. Today, you have to dance on many levels. 191. Past
Principles Man/woman A little foolish Women often need in a man some kind of security. If you are not financially well off or just secure does this mean you have a sentence for the rest of your life not to be with a woman? You might make an effort to become secure but what if that doesn’t work? You might even have done the right thing for part or much of your life, but what if your finances didn’t work out? Your motivation might have been unconsciously to do well so you could have a mate. No matter what the cause, if you don’t have enough, what do you do? Do you end up in a room alone and dry up emotionally and physically? Sometimes to live we need the chase of being a “guy” after a woman. It makes it possible to put up with a lot of other nonsense personally and in the work world. It motivates us to dress nicely and keep good habits and hygiene. We sometimes need that animal element in life. If you see a woman you want to date and you are not well off, you might have to sell yourself, bluff a little, joke and be sassy. This is part of life. Rather you be a little dishonest but have something to look forward to for the next day. You might even be a little foolish, but that’s part of life. We all end up foolish in some way, and this is your portion. 153. Past
Principles Man/woman Which? Which is it? Do I pursue women, keeping the embers alive, or do I gracefully let go, and prepare for what’s beyond? 129. Past
Principles Man/Woman God and female genitalia The poet/singer Leonard Cohen has a line in a song where “God and female genitalia” are used in the same breath. He alludes to both being a primary force in his consciousness. The whole world is sexual in one way or another. The physical drive pulls upon men as does their search for spiritual meaning and an above. It is a dichotomy, a seeming contradiction in our design, but both are wired in. As you age and everything is stripped away, it does boil down to these two needs. |
Steven B. Nussdorf records his lifelong search to find meaning outside of the normal channels. He uses writing, poetry, and drawing to document this effort.Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
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