482.

Spiritual living

Between 

Caught between what is precious and touching in this life
and inching towards the spiritually unknown with no guarantees.

481.

Spiritual living

How my soul felt 

When speaking to my elderly dad
his tone was sweet enough
but he could not fully hear me
both literally and spiritually
and my soul was left incomplete.

When asking to help my friend
offering to mop her floors
volunteering precious time
she was cavalier about my gesture
and my soul was left incomplete.

When I read about a man
who moved to Argentina to live like a king
eating and socializing as the Romans did
I felt both envy and disgust
and my soul was left incomplete.

When  invited to a downtown 'improv' event
a chance to escape what I have to face
the performance was playful and innocent
contrasting with what is sex and money driven
and still my soul was left incomplete.

The day after my soul seemed to seep upwards
as if in a sand timer but reversed
and I gathered myself in this glass bubble
viewing my life from a place of safety
and  for a time my soul felt complete.

480.  Past

Principles

Living

Moderation

All systems will fail.  Even a totally complete system where all the pieces fit into place will fail.  This knowledge leads to moderation and reasonable expectations.

479.  Past

Principles

Living

Reversal

As one ages, the body reverses our thinking.  When we are young the needs of the body dominate. As a baby, when you're hungry you cry, when you have to go to the bathroom, you just do it, hence, diapers.  Later, into midlife and more, we are taught control over the body, with delayed gratification, and discipline.  The mind takes over, and we think we can will ourselves around, over and above various situations.  In the final stage of life, once again, to our surprise, things are reversed and it's matter over mind.

Injuries, illnesses, energy, time, and our mental and emotional needs dictate more than we would like to admit.  You can't bend those knees on the tennis court if asthma kept you up the night before, or for that matter walk those three miles in the morning with even just a hairline fracture in your toe.  Our body and needs once again humble us.

478.  Past

Spiritual living

Get through it all

It's as if I hear from the above just live.....work, play, consider all things, but just somehow get through it all and the big picture will come. 

477.  Past

Principles

Living

No more five year plans

At a certain point in life awareness of death sets in.  You fight to stay alive still, but part of you desires relief from the struggle.  It is not that much of a stretch to understand how under certain living conditions a desire for a way out, even a desire for death becomes a part of you.

For a long time there were five year plans consisting of a beginning, middle, an end, all leading to a next step.  In reality intense efforts lasted less time, leaving the rest of the time for recovery and regrouping.

Now I'm older, and there are no more five year plans.  No more “I'll try this for five years and if it doesn't work out I'll try that for the next five years.” At this point five more years is not a sure thing.   Whatever you do now is for the now, not for the future.  It has to make sense in the present.  Anything else is a bonus.

476.  Past

Vignettes  
 
Delayed gratification/grabbing life

An appealing woman, both lively and cheerful, was at the pool.  At times I still looked youngish so I did not hold back.  Various thoughts occurred to me.  I always thought all would work out well.  I also thought everything happened as a prelude to a “realization” or a “becoming.”  I also believed that delayed gratification would be worth it.  With age and not all things coming to fruition when I expected them to, I had some bitterness.  One could not delay gratification anymore.  Time was running out.  Should age reconcile what one has lost and missed out on, a cooling of the embers so to speak, or should one, with whatever energy and vitality one had left, grab whatever out of life that is offered?  Should I have reached out to the lady or just remained in my thoughts?  No easy answer.

475.  Past

Observation

Looking at the world
(474 has writing that accompanies this pic....also can be seen in booklet 'Breakthroughs')

474.  Past

Observations

Looking at the world
(Accompanies above drawing)

I recall once before twenty and once a few years after  having flashes that the world could not continue for long.  It was as if I was looking out the window at square brick buildings, everything shaded in gray, and saw that the energy of the people was wrong, that something was definitely missing, and I new instinctively this could not go on for long.  Both were pure unadulterated visions.

Later there was talk, TV, studies, books, all about the Christian perspective, the Jewish perspective,  the New Age spiritual perspective, the American Indian perspective, the economical, political and social perspective, the sociological perspective and the psychological perspective.  All pointed to things getting worse in one way or another.  All contained some truth, along with some dogma, often hard to separate.

Then life became more internal.  There was understanding the workings of the mind, of the body, and of the spirit.  Afterwards, insides intact, I reached out to the world and played in some of its games.  Life had to be lived, needs had to be met, and curiosities had to be satisfied.  The cup had to be filled.

Then, having tasted experience, it was time to look at the world again. There was to be no b.s. during this final look.  Preconceptions, personal agendas, learned rhetoric, all had to be dropped.   What was seen confirmed the visions I had around twenty.  Mainly, the world can’t go on much longer as it is.  There are no real solutions to anything. The underlying structure to existence itself is cracking while the surface is held together with band-aids and perfume.  Amidst this panorama can be detected and felt a subtle and almost imperceptible pull to reach for something more, to what is above and beyond, to what can and will survive this madness.  It is the only opening.  It is the only hope.   

473.  Past

Principles

Thinking


Men and logic

Men are basically logical machines; at least that is their natural inclination.  They are “yes, no” machines, following or giving commands.  They logically align themselves with a goal, a means to get there, and apply effort.  Their process is step by step.  Logic and reason are the tools.  The negative to using logic and reason is they often end up overly refined and miss the big picture.  This explains why some men who followed the straight and narrow suddenly take a wild stab in an unknown direction.  When logic disappoints they dive into chance.

When we see an ant scurrying it seems to see in just two dimensions; width and length.  We can easily see where it is going from our vantage point of height.  We see where it's headed, where it came from, and what's around it. The ant doesn't.  The same is true for a man.  He operates within a certain dimension which does not envision the entire picture.

Women and the whole picture

Women often see the whole picture.  Perhaps because of child/birth which puts them in a dependent position, they are very conscious of their security and safety.  As such, they are less myopic and linear in their vision of the environment.  It is less a case of going from point A to point B and more of viewing the whole picture and seeing where they fit.  They have a bigger scope than men, but have more trouble working through a problem from beginning to end.  Of course there are overlapping areas but these natural differences should be noted.  Seeing more perspectives and angles raises more questions and doubts.

It's as if men operate in two dimensions where as women see the entire picture from a third dimension.  However, it could be said because they see from outside of the two dimensions they are less able to function within the confines of those two dimensions.  Seeing doesn't always equate to action.