622.

Principles

Aging

Age 

As we get older
we zero in
on how to be good.

At the same time

as we get older
we see bad
as not so bad.

Even so

as we get older
good seeps in
to the good and bad

590. 

Principles

Aging

Meaningless

As is often said maybe it's part of getting older.  It seems when resting but not asleep or during arbitrary moments during the day images or phrases having no significance flash by me.  For instance, the phrase 'the rib on the watermelon' came to me.  What the heck is that?  Another time when resting I saw in my mind's eye about 35 feet away four aging ladies neatly dressed in a mall in one of the walkways on a circular lounge staring in my direction but not at me.  That was it.

There is also a realm when  I'm up but not focused where my mind wanders through different scenarios.  One can say it all has meaning because nothing is by accident.  But it seems most are random and scattered without substance.  Perhaps it's my electrical circuits cleaning themselves out. Or wearing out?  I'm curious if this happens to others.  After a lifetime of always looking for meaning I'm now receiving meaninglessness.  Ha.

496. Past

Principles

Aging



Wanting out

You tried to piece together a life
with reason, common sense and instinct.

When experience was added
everything should  have all come together.

This did not happen.

There was a letdown.

Wanting in was replaced by wanting out.   

490.  Past

Principles

Age


The end and moving forward

At age 60 you begin to think of planning for your end, even though, today, for some of us you still have to produce and move forward.  It's a duality of sorts.

449.

Principles

Aging

Shortcomings

As you age your shortcomings can seem to surface and reappear with more clarity and you have to live with them as they reenter your life.  It is as if you are in quicksand; your exposed upper body is in the air reaching for the stars while your lower extremities are mired in the mud unable to extract themselves.  You watch as this tug of war ensues, sometimes able to detach yourself, other times crying for help to be saved.

444.


Principles

Aging

One wonders

One wonders about those
who are really old
into their 80's or 90's.

They seem almost dull
without curiosity
without questioning
without wondering.

Is this why they lived so long
or is this what happens
when you live so long
or is there another way?

198.  Past

Principles

Age and aging


The bigger concept

As you get older you will tend to see all sides of a situation.  Some of you, myself included, were able to do this in early adulthood.  Later there came a need to define things, to be more determined, to draw lines around what's good and bad.  If nothing else this helped delineate who you were.

But with age, the divisions blur, and in a sense your understanding expands.  You almost understand all things.  Part of this is conceptual, where you see the contradictions in most paradigms and ideas.  Part of this is practical because as you age there might be less choice about where you end up.  I recall a Buddhist bohemian artist having his morning coffee ritual with a Born Again Christian.  It was a ritual.  They agreed on little in principle, but agreed on a bigger concept, keeping one another company at the same coffee place most mornings.

174.  Past

Principles

Age

Selfishness     
 
When all ideas and principles fall short, then all that’s left is the prickling of the senses. This, plus the passing of time can lead to selfishness in old age. 

161.




Spiritual living


Ed

My new neighbor and his new wife invited me over to look at a suede foldout couch.  If I wanted it I could have it.  Then Ed gave to me a small blue speckled attractive pottery bowl he had made and signed.  I accepted and told Ed I heard he would be running a campaign for a candidate for the Attorney General for New York State.  Ed said that was true and it was a sixth month gig.

I then said it must feel good to be asked and needed and respected.  Down in Florida there is a leveling influence, just look at the lines at Walmart.  Ed agreed.  It was good to feel significant.  I said growing up in New York it was all about winners and losers, no middle ground there.  Ed added however, that in looking back at his career in politics, although winning was better, both winning and losing lose significance with time.

I then recalled the battles I've  had in the past, some won, some lost.  Now the players in these battles are all offstage.  Even though the conflicts at the time caused much pain, I wasn't ready to have them fade into insignificance.  They were, after all, life.  They formed my present opinions, and I still needed them as fuel for motivation.  But again, as with an old oil painting, they were gradually fading.

Then  Ed said politics and history are determined by those who write it.  Even if you lose you can make it seem as if you've won.

I then said it really is all an 'illusion' after all, isn't it?  Ed and his wife agreed. I thought to myself I wasn't ready to let go of the illusion.  Even though illusions have been hurtful, to just have them fade seems like an anticlimax.  Isn't there some meaning to the struggle and battles we have here?  Isn't there a right and wrong somewhere within these conflicts.  I was threatened by the overall journey of moving beyond them, even though it felt firmer and lighter.  I felt I hadn't fully resolved things, at least enough to let them go.  There were still things to be done. 

Anyhow, to still do what we do with intensity as we gracefully submit to letting go seems to be the dance we need to dance.