Spiritual
Conclusion
My conclusion is that each person has to directly hear the voice of God from within and this is our only hope.
For These Times |
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Spiritual Conclusion My conclusion is that each person has to directly hear the voice of God from within and this is our only hope.
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624. Past
Relating Despite disappointment When you are young, suffering can bring you to God. You appeal for help when all else fails. For a time you feel close to God and there seems to be progress and a payoff. Later in life, when you are not so sure of things, when you thought this closeness to God would yield good results you are disappointed. It is at this point that it is hard to hold onto God. The suffering has built up, the lines in your face become indented from stress, and it is hard to feel close. You experience bitterness. You originally thought that your new alignment with him would yield meaning and fulfillment. But the good things expected didn’t come. It is hard to be close to God when you see destruction in your life. This is just one take on the subject, but an undeniable one. People think their new relationship with God will save them. It doesn’t. The trick is to continue to hold onto belief in a maker even though you have been disappointed. 608. Past
Relating Without hands out When we relate to God, we usually want something. It is hard not to. It would be nice to come to God not wanting anything, without our hands out. This is hard. Better just to be honest about our neediness and dependency. 406. Past
Spiritual Relating to God Monday with no computer One Monday morning I found myself with no computer. It had a virus. Who knows how it would turn out? I felt no presence from the above, or nourishment or relief. I was full of resentment and fear. Bigger doubts plagued me; aging, the future, and no back up from family. And, after all these years, I was disappointed in my inability to overcome them. I can't even leave society, or pull away from the city. That doesn't work. Also didn’t see a way to disentangle myself. I didn’t see a way or a way to get out. God couldn’t answer me. The answer would be too coarse. Finally I brought myself to meditate. I said I needed God to find way out. I can't do it. Don't know how. Just don't know way out from all these traps and dilemmas. Am I meant to just sit here and fade in my own traps? 59. Past
Spiritual Relating Has to be very special If you’ve ever felt a quiet presence, or hear a noiseless voice, or speak silently to an above, what you’ve experienced is special. Although many crazies say they do this, I believe it can be truthful and perhaps in this life, is as far as one can go. As life goes on however, these special experiences become difficult. The errors of your life accumulate, along with the heartache, along with the weight and gravity of simply living. It’s all a lot to stomach. Even if you have related to the above, when you observe all these things happen, it is discouraging. You most likely thought life would become better because of this unique relating, but life takes its course, relating to the maker or not. Even so, and even if not apparent, in some undefinable way this silent connection, if coming from the right place, has to be very special. 58.
Spiritual Relating 'Good morning' not always The deceased Norman Mailer once referred to ‘the dread’ he had when waking up. How true sometimes. As you age it’s harder to ignore this. You can try meditation, or medication, positive thinking, exercise, getting busy with chores, talk shows or news or just push it aside and do nothing. All these have a place and work for a time but also can be band aids. You might try not running and facing the pain and dread. Surprisingly if you don’t run and are able to stay still a light might break through and lift you up. This works for a time and is good. At some point I wanted communication with the source of this light, the maker, which of course is my bias. I required clarification of an issue and some answer. We are meant to dig, to try, to seek. The clarification puts a problem into understandable terms. It is where one is at. The communication with ‘an above’ refocuses one and puts the issue in a context that one can understand and be comfortable in. For instance, in my art my ability to see values is sometimes off and affects all my drawings. Faulty lighting and flaws not fully ironed out are possible causes. This has always been with me and still is. One morning feeling the pain of this and of seeing it clearly outlined I opened myself up to certain words and heard “Steve, as a child your development artistically was a potpourri. To develop evenly and fully in the environment you were in is asking too much. The teachers you sporadically had allowed you to do art but also fragmented you. This was your art as it was. It was your ‘mix.’ Accept it. Today, don’t insist too much. The drawings fit into a larger whole, a larger context. They are not always pretty but they serve a purpose. You’re getting closure and personal questions answered, and for others too. It is a good thing.” Just upon hearing this I relaxed. Each issue springs to the surface in time and there are answers that get us back on track. Wishful thinking perhaps? One person’s delusions perhaps? But also perhaps the real deal. This is the time to test, explore and find out. This is one approach to try. As said "it's a good thing." 50.
Theology, Religion, Spiritual Spiritual Relating to God Falling asleep with the light on Last night I was real tired around 9 pm. The morning had been spent doing chores, a lot of them, the afternoon into early evening spent drawing, and the night was to be spent editing. Before the latter I made myself a lobster tail with butter, herbs, and lime, along with a nice salad with cut apple on top, drank hot green tea with honey, and had a chocolate treat for desert. Not bad. I suspected it would make me tired early and sure enough about 3 hours later at 9pm I slowed down disappointed over just getting two pages done. I laid down in house clothes for a brief nap which expanded to 10:15pm, then 12:15 am, and finally to 3:15 am. Lamp shining in my face I turned and stirred at this magical time. My mind hopped from thought to thought without full resolution and I was left with an uneasiness and felt irritated. I sat up, placed my elbows on my legs with my head in my hands and felt the presence of the maker sitting near me as if putting his arm on my shoulders to support and comfort me. Surprisingly, I rejected his comfort and lay down and realized something. I wanted contentment and completeness to come from this life, not from god. I blamed him for this lack and so for the time being we're not on speaking terms. |
Steven B. Nussdorf records his lifelong search to find meaning outside of the normal channels. He uses writing, poetry, and drawing to document this effort.Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.
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