110. 

Principles

Living/life

80's Lamp still with a swagger

(Relates to Sharon's 60th where there were many older lamps still with a swagger)

113.  Past




Principles

Life


Life recognizing life      

On Facebook I watched a brief video about different species interacting.  A mother leopard was licking a baby monkey, a baby hippopotamus was following a mother turtle, and a mother hippopotamus held a young fawn in her mouth.  Something was so basic and primal here.  It seemed a point to which we all want to return.  Cuddling, stroking, licking, closeness are all rooted from this basic bonding.

In life sensuality, ambition, rules, regulations, discipline, art, creating, logic, and experience all seem to evolve from this basic relationship, but is this a step forward or a step backward?   The basis of this life is rooted in this mothering instinct.  These early maternal relationships speak to the essence of life in this existence.  They are unique and won’t happen again.  Even the “above” can’t experience them.  They are for us alone, a onetime thing.

All my work, my wondering, my efforts have pointed to the abstract, the above, the ephemeral, the ideal and the subtle. I’ve tried to figure out what makes things work. These real life animal moments made me realize that this life is not meant to be bypassed.  It is important in and of itself.  This is life, this is comfort, this is the mother and child connecting in time, underlying everything.

My mom up North, recently fell face down, fracturing her cheek, bruising her chin and she has some internal head injury and she is in ITC. Right now she is stable.  My thinking went to her.  There is something core about her.  When she saw something in nature such as a little bird scurrying, or a painting of a young rosy cheeked man with the breathe of life in him, she sighed an “ah ha” and you knew it was from a deep place.  This recognition of profundity somehow spoke to these moments of the mother and child.  Her reaction was an appreciation of this.  It was life recognizing life, no smokescreen in between.   It speaks to the closeness and comfort we deep down desire.


(Please note, this took place over 6 years ago.)

112.  Past

Principles

Living


Sorrows

I want to live
before the onslaught
of sorrows
overwhelms. 

111.




Principles




Life/living


Humor and Sharon's 60th

Friend Sharon had a 60th Birthday party, all well prepared in a nice setting and fun.

'With a little alcohol in my system there was humor everywhere. The theme was the mod 50's and 60's. Sue was dressed like Jackie Kennedy. After her various incarnations she was now raising some piglets and chickens. I said I was a city boy who didn't know raisins came from grapes. I added the first time I saw free roaming chickens out west they were so lively, had so much personality, were so active I was fixated. I had just thought they were lumps of meat before. She described how she too watches them fascinated, puts them on different level cages, and lets them enjoy being chickens. “They have good lifes. They have lifes, ” I added as if we were talking about the rich and famous. We cracked up and had a good belly laugh. Later I introduced her to someone as a chicken farmer. Still later we laughed as Sharon's dog would not stop humping  young Ben's leg. Ben was Sam's bi_ch.  I thought it good that Sharon hadn't had children.

People made fun of people all night. Sitting outside with Linda and Barbara, Barbara said the chicken was so good she wants the recipe from Sharon's sister. Later I approached Sharon's sister and asked if she made the chicken because people were liking it?” She then asked 'if I thought she was a fool, there was already too much work to do, ten chickens were needed, and did I think she was stupid. Of course she ordered out.' I told Linda and Barbara this and we also had a good laugh.

A new tenant of Linda's from an interesting illustrious background was sitting nearby. Barbara often called me 'Nussbaum' and I introduced myself as such but didn't say much else to him. After the man left I said if I had know before he was the same interesting tenant I would have been nicer. Again, funny at the time.

So what's the point. The point is humor, even deprecating humor, as long as its not totally cruel, is funny and actually helps us take things less seriously. You can go to therapy for years or just go to a few parties to smash your stubborn ego. We see flaws in others and ourselves and make some jokes about it. The pressure to be all that is relieved.

On the other hand I do take myself somewhat seriously as things have to get done and have to be held together. The past has to be sifted, the present defended and the future pioneered.

Oh this life!

107.  Past




Principles


Death and dying



Painful to let go  

You die towards God, not to mom or family.  I heard an anecdote of soldiers on their deathbeds after a battle who cried for their moms. This yearning for family and moms is very powerful, but doesn't last.  Gandhi wanted the last words on his lips to be God. Without being mechanical, we have to move in that direction, but it is painful to let go of our families. Especially, for some, after it took a long time just to be able to appreciate them.

108.  Past




Reason for this work





When I was 16

When I was 16 years old I wish I had someone like myself to speak to, someone removed from the usual dogma and rhetoric and conforming pressures. 

A few key words, minor insights without judgment might have opened me up to hear without judgment what could have been liberating.

109.  Past




Leading to the beyond
(Note:  In this section I offer 11 reasons that can at least lead one to suspect there is more than just this world.)



Sublime and the ephemeral

4.  As a 20th century Jewish philosopher pointed out, the sublime and ephemeral can lead us to the beyond.  There are certain snapshots of life that are transcendent.  They are more than beauty.  They just are.

I saw a painting and in a small part of it you could see a field with snow falling.  A deep reality was captured, a moment that makes one stop.  Something is triggered inside.  It’s similar to a memory, but with another element seeping through.  In these moments you experience a maker, a beyond, in a real way.  It leads you there.  Dogmas, indoctrinations fall by the wayside during these moments which penetrate us deeply.

106.  Past




Reason for this work




Survived to say it 

I felt silenced much of my life.  The pressure, the dynamics always seemed to be more than one could handle.  If you spoke out it came back in spades.  As a kid the schools, New York, the institutions, the immensity of what was around you, the fear and insecurity, all kept you silent.  If you did manage to speak your mind, you might be off.  Your balance was not there.  I don't want to die silent, especially since I have something to say and have survived to say it.

104.




Personal



Where?

After so much thinking
and so much looking
things that seemed so right
are not so right
and where do I go
from here?

105.  Past




Reason




Something has to be done  

Normal wisdom is no help anymore.  Good old common sense doesn’t really work.  More knowledge just tickles the brain.  The religious institutions don’t answer our needs.  The academic studies lead nowhere.  We are drowned by too much volume and our wondering, questioning, pondering are given no room.  There is no space for hesitation, thoughtfulness. It is overwhelming.

Something has to be done.  We have to link and acknowledge that there is a realm that is not heard from, not listened to. The door has to be opened and has to be stepped through.  It is simple enough, it is right before us.  But we are confounded and confused.  Our minds and senses are on overload.  There is simply too much of everything and too little of what counts.