676. 

Principles

Living

Should I have done that?

Thinking back on something I did
I wonder if I should have
or not.
It wasn't a pure act
but seemed a needed one.

I think of what else
I could have done
but that too falls short.

I have no answer
but know all will be ok
whether right or wrong.

674.  Past

Principles

Life

Already alive

I was speaking to a neighbor's son in his 30''s whose 67 year old dad had fallen a few weeks ago and hit his head which started to hemorrhage.  He and his mom are stressed out and after weeks in the hospital his dad was transferred to rehab miles away and during the transfer his blood pressure had risen to 135 and he was unconscious.

I asked the young man if, to relax, would he consider flying some kites.  I had a couple I never got to assemble the original owners of my condo left behind.  He sounded enthusiastic and  the next day I left them on the porch.

Anyhow, that evening we talked some more and somehow, on some subject, I went on to say “Little is authentic today.  It's all kind of fake.  The only reason to keep on living is because you are already alive.”

The young man seemed impressed with the last sentence and asked if he could include it in a song .  I said sure.   We talked a little more and then I parted.

668.

Principles

Living

A big vision

I think the best way to live is to serve a big vision that comes from within.  This of course could take decades.  Making money, practicalities all take a certain form and structure and fit in when the vision is in place.

Until this point one might have to fumble along or work towards lesser visions or just survive with no vision at all or a wishy washy one.  However, once a real one is realized the wait is seen as worth it.

The other approach to life, handling practicalities, making money, building structures around you, and finally when reaching a certain point adding a vision won't really work. You'll have a life that seems to work, but it will not have a real vision.  It will be manufactured. 

So live, do what you have to, play out different cards but be aware all the elements won't make sense until there is a big vision and all else indirecty and directly serves it.  Moving towards this is the only direction to take.  Of course you'll do and try other avenues, but this is what will last.

663.

Principles

Life

No control over events

The day was mapped out.  Preparation had been set in place.  I was to paint and review dental notes. 

I started with a detour.  I walked down the block to a neighbor who the day before told me how it was to lease a car.  He leased two, one for himself and his wife.  The question I had this morning was 'did it increase his insurance?'  I wanted to get this out of the way before I began my day. 

So I dropped by and his wife invited me inside and lovely it was.  Old paintings and ships built by John and mahogany furniture and old black and white photos and a northern Vermont look.  Quite unusual for Florida.  So I looked around and they gladly talked about it all and offered me some ice tea.  We talked about John's model ship building, his volunteering for the Israeli army in his late 50's after years before serving in Korea and his back operation after years of lifting and being a solid man.  Denise told me of her teaching dance, her volunteering for the social committee, how her first husband was a pig, how she downsized to live here, and how her adopted cat liked me but did not like everyone.  We chatted for an hour.  Oh, and the answer was yes, insurance did go up for them after they leased.  Hmmm.

I came back to the house and rested a bit.  Earlier in the morning I had swum a number of laps and felt it.  Then I prepared some food and needed vitamins so I spent some time laying them out for the week.  Going to the computer I cleaned out my emails and out of curiosity looked up what happened to a lady around my age who had some interesting views about politics and health.  She had been an advocate for veterans who had agent orange poisoning.  At some point she had contracted cancer and passed away earlier this year.  She had tried alternative cures and later some chemo with it but  nothing had worked.  So she was gone.

Further inquiry revealed she was not the shining light she had portrayed herself as.  Her service in the army was questionable and some former employees felt she was a bully.  Oh well, oh well.  I just take it all in.

While I was at it I googled a lady friend who I occasionally saw but not for a while and wondered how she was doing.  Nothing came up accept for the death of her brother, which I knew about.  Oh well, what ever happened to Patty?

Still later I straightened out the kitchen and was thinking of going for a first time to a minion service, not far from me, to honor my dad.  I filled the bike tires as I would bike it and then thought I'd sit down for a minute and listen to the weather on TV and see what was happening in Hawaii.  My ex wife had planned a trip with her current husband to the islands and the timing was not good.  Oh well.

I felt a bit slow and canceled the minion trip.  Later I reviewed new writings for my websites and that was my day.  What happened to simply painting and looking at dental notes? I don't know.  Was my determination low?  Was I looking for distractions?  Maybe.  Anything to avoid facing a canvas.

Still, life had its own agenda and current and I was swept away and not able to find my way back.  Tomorrow is another day.  Often life has a mind of its own.

662.

Principles

Living

Which way?

To wake up
later
and to play things
by ear
and to go
with the flow

or to wake up
early
and  push through
the chores
and exercise
and work.

One way
or the other
or a mix
somewhere
in the middle.

637.

Principles

Living

Sometimes its simple

I've lost some weight this past year and am somewhat thin but recenty I've done some excercize and gotten some air and sun  The thinness was given an overlay of resiliency and the lines filled out a bit.  I could tell from people's reactions my presentation was not unpleasant. All this leads me to say it does not answer one's problems but sometimes just looking a little better can lift your mood and feeling of well being.  It can be a starting point.  Sometimes it's that simple. There's a lot more to it, but sometimes this can help and do the job.

628.  Past

Principles

Living

Following the rules

I had a talk with an acquaintance Linda where we discussed how if you follow all the rules you can get nowhere, and have nothing to show for it.  So much for following all the rules.

617.

Principles

Living  

A way to live

There is a way to live
where your plans and God's plans
are the same plans.

There is a way to live
where your plans and God's plans
are not life's plans.

There is a way to live
where all plans, yours, God's, life's,
become blessed plans.

613.

Principles

Living

Elevator TV

It is very hard to begin writing sometimes.  It is like trying to sprint from a standing position.  It's easier just to not to and get distracted.  My latest technique is to begin with the distractions and then veer into writing.  Plus background noise becomes the extended famlly.  A good black and white 50's movie will do.  However, sometimes they are not on.  The Bourne Identity seems to do the trick.  So do some grade C SciFi flicks.. Sometimes I can glide into writing if I'm set up, and sometimes I can diss what I'm watching as inferior and redirect onto the page. 

Lately, do to a dearth of movies that are not too 'loud,' I'll turn on one of the cop shows.  Let's see, there's NCIS, Bones, Law and Order (a couple of versions) and maybe a couple of others.  One went off the air.  If I'm stuck on the writing, I can turn around and look at the drama.  They are like elevator music.  Tight, well shot, no motions wasted, one can tell good money was spent on them.  They are packaged well.  Plus, I can look at them from time and it as if I've missed nothing.  It's all one story. 

The other day I asked myself which is the best one?  After pondering such a world shattering question, an answer came to me.  They are all the same.  The particulars differ.  One uses forensics, one is a special unit of the FBI, one deals with sex crimes in New York, but all are similar in technique.  They are tight and carefully constructed.  If you wonder why we aren't painting 'Mona Lisa's' it's because all the life energy has gone into these programs.  Each is an institution too, supporting many families.  They are formula and keep the status quo going.  As with elevator music, they don't threaten but stay in the background while titillating the senses just enough to keep you watching.

No real questions are asked, no real answers are given.  When some issue is approached seriously, it becomes homogenized and pasteurized.  We know what that does to real food don't we.  So in essence it doesn't matter which I watch.  They all connect me with the culture today as it is, which means I'm touching something with my feet while my mind reaches for what is above and takes some risks.

589.  Past

Wonder

Wonder

A thick gray like film
engulfs all round.
As with bad air,
breathing itself is labored,
needed but unpleasant.
Once in a while
something of wonder
pierces this fog,
hinting at what is not seen,
but already known.