628.  Past

Principles

Living

Following the rules

I had a talk with an acquaintance Linda where we discussed how if you follow all the rules you can get nowhere, and have nothing to show for it.  So much for following all the rules.

617.

Principles

Living  

A way to live

There is a way to live
where your plans and God's plans
are the same plans.

There is a way to live
where your plans and God's plans
are not life's plans.

There is a way to live
where all plans, yours, God's, life's,
become blessed plans.

613.

Principles

Living

Elevator TV

It is very hard to begin writing sometimes.  It is like trying to sprint from a standing position.  It's easier just to not to and get distracted.  My latest technique is to begin with the distractions and then veer into writing.  Plus background noise becomes the extended famlly.  A good black and white 50's movie will do.  However, sometimes they are not on.  The Bourne Identity seems to do the trick.  So do some grade C SciFi flicks.. Sometimes I can glide into writing if I'm set up, and sometimes I can diss what I'm watching as inferior and redirect onto the page. 

Lately, do to a dearth of movies that are not too 'loud,' I'll turn on one of the cop shows.  Let's see, there's NCIS, Bones, Law and Order (a couple of versions) and maybe a couple of others.  One went off the air.  If I'm stuck on the writing, I can turn around and look at the drama.  They are like elevator music.  Tight, well shot, no motions wasted, one can tell good money was spent on them.  They are packaged well.  Plus, I can look at them from time and it as if I've missed nothing.  It's all one story. 

The other day I asked myself which is the best one?  After pondering such a world shattering question, an answer came to me.  They are all the same.  The particulars differ.  One uses forensics, one is a special unit of the FBI, one deals with sex crimes in New York, but all are similar in technique.  They are tight and carefully constructed.  If you wonder why we aren't painting 'Mona Lisa's' it's because all the life energy has gone into these programs.  Each is an institution too, supporting many families.  They are formula and keep the status quo going.  As with elevator music, they don't threaten but stay in the background while titillating the senses just enough to keep you watching.

No real questions are asked, no real answers are given.  When some issue is approached seriously, it becomes homogenized and pasteurized.  We know what that does to real food don't we.  So in essence it doesn't matter which I watch.  They all connect me with the culture today as it is, which means I'm touching something with my feet while my mind reaches for what is above and takes some risks.

589.  Past

Wonder

Wonder

A thick gray like film
engulfs all round.
As with bad air,
breathing itself is labored,
needed but unpleasant.
Once in a while
something of wonder
pierces this fog,
hinting at what is not seen,
but already known.

585. 

Principles

Living

The power of the night

The power of the night
when fears abound
and insecurities linger
and failures attack
ceasing only
when sleep overtakes.

577.

Principles

Life

Hillel  1 

Hillel, the Jewish wise man living around 2000 years ago wrote:

“Do not trust yourself until your day of death.”

Strangely, this lifted some of my burdens   Maybe everything we do until that time is tainted with ego and some selfishness.  Some of the self imposed expectations are lifted.  You don't have all the answers.
Humbling.

569.

Principles

Living


Alone


Living alone

the silence
can become

deafening.

559.  Past

Principles

Life

Chores have become endless
(Pic was published in January but text is different.)

558. Past

Principles

Life

Chores have become endless
(This is a lengthier text then published in January with above drawing.)

There is a lot of wear and tear in life today.  It’s not cruel, it’s not vicious, it’s not about torture, but it’s endless with no relief or resolution.  In the land of doublespeak, nothing gets solved.  But to live you have to keep getting things done or you fall behind.  One chore leads to two chores leads to three chores and on and on.  When you call a bank for a simple answer to a simple question, a tape recording gives you five choices, each in turn gives you  three choices, and then a wait, and then more choices and finally a live voice that might be curt or rude.  In a low key way it’s sinister, for your time is wasted and that can’t be replaced.  You are aggravated and frustrated.   All the while you see the wealthy accumulate, the poor grabbing all they can, while you are pulled and stretched in a thousand different directions.

We are built to feel we are getting somewhere, that there is hope, that something is being done, that dues are being paid.  But the reality is that it’s all an illusion.  What is really taking place is one, at least certain ones, are being kept alive, almost in a state of suspended animation if you will, perhaps for the purpose being to observe, wait, question, wonder, until a certain realization becomes fully clear.

544.

Principles

Living and life

Lisa hit it  

Ah, I let too much time go by and the exchange is not fresh in my mind.  But I want to honor that moment as I said I would. Lisa Edelman from the UK, a Facebook friend, often will report on important doings, such as a spider being caught in her hair. When others posted pictures of various spiders, I said we could start a model agency and Lisa was all 'go' on that. 

Other times we might message one another and venture into more personal turf.  This one time Lisa asked me how I was and I alluded to some frustrations I had.  My dad's blood pressure was 184 and the implications worried me.  I was not ready to lose him.  I also felt the weight of living alone and having to always watch my back.  The tribe was long gone.  The bravura of going it alone was isolating. Joining any group just to be around others was so compromising.  And everything was money and in your face about it.  How to live was always a question.  I could not sacrifice a bull as in the Torah.  Well, maybe symbolically. 

I had gone to a doctor to have my blood test interpreted and my numbers were great, as good as can get.  That was good news, and the doctor and his nurse and I gloated a bit. I didn't allude to the sinus head pressure I often felt as I did then, as it would be a buzz killer.  Why should I ruin the mood? 

Of course I'm being a little glib here.  The issues and resentments run deeper. I did not have the strength  to search for a spiritual answer.  If the above wanted to reach me I was here but in no mood for any illusions.

So,, without going into detail, in a few lines  I hinted at all this when asked by Lisa Edelman how I was.  She replied, "Yes, I know what it's like when faced with our limitations and horror." Lisa called it and didn't shy away from doing so.  Let's take a moment to honor that or just a deep breath.  

I just sat and let her words seep in.  I didn't force a solution. Sometimes that's all you should do.  At the very least it was nice to know I was not alone.  Sometimes a piercing observation is all we get.