641.

Vignette

No answers

I was speaking to my new neighbor friend Paul and he was telling me about some eye difficulties he had.  At a local eye institute they adjusted a pyramid lens for him and the glasses didn't work so they are not sure what to do and seem to be fishing for answers.

I shared at the same institute i saw an attractive bright young ophthalmologist who was highly recommended.  From what I read she was usually cautious and conservative with offering cataract surgery but with my left eye she seemed the opposite.  Upon leaving the office and waiting for a lift a man was waiting to pick up his wife who spent a week in the hospital in great pain after receiving the same surgery by the same doctor.  Hmmmmm.

Her eyes were itching her constantly and I asked if she had allergies as I do?  I said this last week my eyes ere tearing greatly.  He said yes that has to be it.  Her eyes were swollen and excreting fluids and then surgery and suppressant medications on top of that caused a nightmare.  I said why didn't the doctors think of that?  The answer was they were myopic and in their own worlds.

Paul and I shared some teeth stories and dental issues and there seemed to be a pattern.  Then he said it's the same with your car, no answers.  My car wasn't starting in the mornings until the sun beamed down and heated it up.  Thirteen hundred dollars later the problem still existed.  My shop was tried, along with two shade tree mechanics who just replaced parts.  Then we tried  his favorite mechanic at a shop and after being polite to me the mechanic basically didn't want to get involved.  Anything out of just cash cow maneuvers on unaware widows he didn't want to mess with.

I said they all just want to protect their jobs.  The system the way it is doesn't really look out for our needs  Paul concurred.  Then I added as you get older it becomes clear that when you really need answers for any of your needs none are really there.  With all the institutions and billions spent on research your individual problems aren't really met.  Their solutions touch your needs but don't really risk delving into them.  It might upset their apple cart.

Paul agreed and we made plans to meet for lunch where I had a birthday never used coupon that they would honor and life rolled on.

640.     web

Religion

The Torah fell

It has been said in many ways things are just broken these days.  Although I'm not really a fan (he never really spoke to my needs), Bob Dylan used the word 'broken' in some song I recall.

I received a message from my ex in Pennsylvania about her Rabbi who wrote a piece and sent it out to all he could concerning the fact that the Torah under his watch fell on the floor.  There was no damage to the print but the holder were slightly bruised.  This happened on May 22 which has the feeling of an auspicious number already.  He wrote that this is not a good thing, that it is a sign that the Torah (simply learning and instructions on how to live) has not been followed. In falling upon the floor it had been demeaned and violated. The Rabbi called for a fast all day asking for reflection and 'teshuvah' (a return). 

He pointed out that this happened on Shavuot which is the day the Torah was given to the people by Moses.  Again a sign.  In addition it happened right before the congregation sang the 'ancient poem' Akdamut which refers to the placement of the Torah as a focal point in life.  The rabbi said this is a 'clear message.'

I had Maggie, my ex, read this writing and she added information that is informative and good to know and respectful to the history and occurrence. Usually I rewrite things in my own words but her words carry their own clarity and give a first hand account.  She wrote:

(That’s good - but Moses didn’t give the Torah - G-d did!

In addition to the community fast, we shared the morning service (Shachrit) together and said Kaddish. A  Torah scroll was brought out from the ark with proper reverence.  Torah scrolls are brought out only in certain days of the week or for special events.    The fast - for teshuvah and repentance - is called a Taanit Tzibur (minor fast which lasts from first  light till full dark.)

In the Rabbi's words it was a sign people were 'forsaking something eternal for something temporal,' and that 'we were ignoring something profound for something shallow, and finally 'we are embracing something superficial and pushing aside something deep.'

When Maggie told me this I also fasted that day for 16 hours.  I am not overly observant but the scenario struck me as odd and different and worthy of notice.  It did seem like a sign.  The day also had a strange energy and May 22 seemed like a natural metaphysical dividing point.

I think for the Jewish people they should take a moment of pause.  I think all others should also take a moment of pause.  A lot of signals and signs have come and gone.  Some people might have been affected, some not, obviously not all.  The wheel still seems to be turning.   It's a bit of a mystery.  It's easy to say 'so what.'  I, for one, pay attention.  I continue what I'm doing, I have to, but I also pay attention.  Some events are signals, and this stands out in a unique way.

639.

Principles

Thinking and understanding

Purpose

Am i meant to be full of purpose
in these fading years
or is purpose the last stage
before freedom appears?
 

638.  Past

Observations

Not fully understood

Often we think of life as a continuous flow, one thing leading to another, one mistake leading to a solution.  Mistakes are made, lessons are learned.

But in looking back the path isn't so clear.  Life seems to be a bunch of memories, each not necessarily with a distinct meaning.  I had a flash of winning the National Society of Art painting competition.  Another memory brought back the setting where I was married.  Still another image appeared when I collected unemployment.  Different memories periodically appear before my mind.  They come without judgment, without an easily understood reason.