406.  Past

Spiritual

Relating to God

Monday with no computer

One Monday morning I found myself with no computer.  It had a virus.  Who knows how it would turn out?  I felt no presence from the above, or nourishment or relief.  I was full of resentment and fear.  Bigger doubts plagued me;  aging, the future, and no back up from family.  And, after all these years, I was disappointed in my inability to overcome them.  I can't even leave society, or pull away from the city.  That doesn't work.  Also didn’t see a way to disentangle myself. I didn’t see a way or a way to get out.  God couldn’t answer me.  The answer would be too coarse.

Finally I brought myself to meditate.  I said I needed God to find way out.  I can't do it.  Don't know how.  Just don't know way out from all these traps and dilemmas.  Am I meant to just sit here and fade in my own traps?

214.  Past

Statement

Meditation and God  

As per myself, I have meditated for years.  It has been powerful but at some point I had to be honest with myself.  I saw that while I had all these good and insightful meditations, my life wasn’t getting anywhere.  It was even getting worse.  Something was wrong. Perhaps I had ulterior motives when I meditated. I wanted to use it to help me. So, even though it was profound I had to go beyond it.  It was just a tool. It was a beautiful tool, but it was not God.  This I had to accept.  With or without the meditation, there was a God.  God exists no matter what I do or don’t.  The means to get to him, say through meditation, was not God himself.

120.  Past


Leading
(This writing is part of 11 reasons I offer why one might be led to consider the possibility that there is a 'maker, an above.'  Why one is led in that direction is a fair question.)


(True) Meditation        

5)  Meditation can be useful. The theory is to become detached from your thinking and emotions.  By not reacting to them you create a void.  Most meditations miss this and are more similar to a psychic massage that smooths and pacifies the person.  The trouble here is that you still are perfecting yourself, making yourself better in a sense.  You are “willing” yourself to relax, to be calm, to be balanced.  You can end up a transcendent being, a perfected being, but this is still limited because your intent is limited.

A truer intent is a humble approach, one where you come to recognize the helplessness of your condition, a condition arrived at through actions and beliefs whose sum total leads to nowhere.  You can only sit still because you are not sure what to do and you wait for something, anything to make sense.  You become detached in a true way, a way that doesn’t fully trust any thought, action, deed, or meaning that you encounter.  It all might be programming, subtle and self-initiated.  So all you can do is stay still and wait, for what exactly, you are not sure.  Whatever it is, it has to stand apart from previous experiences.  By doing so, you are not initiating something to happen.  You are just being nothing and in a state of helplessness.

Eventually something might click.  A light might sparkle in the darkness of your mind.  It might be a point, and then a pattern.  An inner vibration might radiate from within you.  Your hands might tingle as this vibration seeks exit, and your body might rock back and forth.  This is not from your doing.  This is from a force beyond you that’s within you.  It is a real experience.  You are touched by something more, most probably for the first time in your life.

Later, after holding onto this, you realize this was a link to the above.  It wasn’t done with words or knowledge.  It was a true awakening.  And so from here on in you seek out the author of this experience.  You want to know more and eventually are led to more.

101.  Past




Leading

(An unattached observation to suspect there is something bigger.)







The light that leads to the truth

If one meditates in a certain way, bringing a humbled being before all that exists, vulnerable and wanting, eventually there might appear a light, a spec of light.  As has been said many times, a light in the dark.  Later, after much time, this light can lead to the truth of existence.  Why should the light stay just a light?  Let it lead to the biggest thing possible, even a maker.

93.  Past

Observation

Oh glorious meditation

For awhile it was like magic,
you sit still and just look at your thoughts
and suddenly your fingertips tingle and vibrate
and your insides  fill with a lighted energy
that bursts from deep within.

Oh glorious meditation with your sparkling lights
and intricate patterns that probe and reveal.

Even you, a golden tool and gem of this life
offer no protection from who I am
and what I face during my day.

I wanted and expected more than this.
and after receiving the gift of seeing
the cure still eludes me.                                                    2