630.


Principles

Death and dying

The elephant in the room

A woman commented on a health site that, after battling many illnesses and overcoming them, and after living somewhat close to nature, and also having a dentist she works well with, she feels she will be able to die of old age.  At first this does not sound startling but after time it sinks in.  Why?  Because most of us won't be able to say that.  As with my mom, perhaps my dad, and numerous others, it will be death by hospital and meds.  The person is not in control.  Power structures outside yourself are.  The intimate setting and stage for one's end becomes an institutional event.  Gone is the intimacy, closeness, and safety of a private environment with meaningful people around you.  It can be a corporate affair lead by technical decisions.

Once you are on medications you are vulnerable to side effects, which lead to other side effects, which eventually lead to problems which  conflict with one another. Even if you are health oriented as I have been certain decisions in the past might have done damage that is beyond your control.  In my case mercury fillings along with root canals have effects that are long lasting and perhaps can't be overcome. With the latter, bacteria in the bone is long living and not easy to eradicate.  Difficulties such as sinus problems and arthitis are just some side effects.  Implants also carry bacteria, and dentures, that is the newer ones, while clever with their flexibility, emit certain plastic chemicals which can cause reactions, sometimes severe.  No matter what your diet is, or your habits, some damage can't be fully reversed.
 
When I first came to Florida I wondered why so many of the elderly seemed impatient and irritated much of the time.  Now I realized most were on meds and subject to various medical trains of thought.  What they strove for over their lives, that is control and mastery over one's destiny, is no longer.  Hence, the emergence of underlying resentments and anger and the need for escape and pleasures.  When one feels trapped, one needs flights of fantasy and entertainment.

There used to be a time when one could pick their time and place to pass on.  Ideally, things were wrapped up and a moment of peace was available and some stability was in the air and one was ready to leave. Of course not in all cases, but for some this is how it was.  Those with love for you and respect for you were present and it was special.  Now it is not in your control.  Often it is drawn out.  Often it is not spiritual.  That is why the elderly are often uncomfortable.  A peaceful death is not available.  Someone said to me today we are born and we die in hospitals.

Now I've heard hospice does many good things and does try to create a setting for one's passing that is somewhat sensitive.  And then there is just the fact that God, if one believes, is everywhere and can ease your situation, even in a hospital.  And true, even in a hospital among strangers the light can shine.  Granted.  Also true is that for many the tribe, community, family is fractured and this is the best that we have.  Yes, accepted.  I'm not going to quarrel with what is.  However, sometimes a standard is needed to compare ourselves to, to see how far we have veered, as individuals and as a collective.

So the lady initially mentioned, a cancer survivor among other things, who rarely sees a doctor, who tries to self-cure, who says she will die from old age through her own efforts and just good fortune, feels she has some control of her end.  There is some dignity in that.

629.  Past

Observations

They seem complete

There are certain people in life, such as my friend Ruth, or a high school classmate Tom, who are very self-contained.  They don't seem reflective or have the need to connect with others.  They have an independent orbit.  They don't seem to question.  Perhaps it's because their needs were met from family.  But as far as an observer can see, they seem complete in their own way.

628.  Past

Principles

Living

Following the rules

I had a talk with an acquaintance Linda where we discussed how if you follow all the rules you can get nowhere, and have nothing to show for it.  So much for following all the rules.

627.  Past
 
Observations

No rock here

There is no rock here.  Instability rules.  Only way out is through a yearning for the above.

626.

Vignette  

Y'all

I went to a nearby pool the other day because mine was being worked on and a German resident who I slightly knew entered the gate.  Trying to be friendly I knew his name began with a vowel and blurted 'Excuse me is your name 'Olie?'  His reaction was sudden and severe, saying 'Do I look like an Olie?  Jesus Christ.'   From being friendly to suddenly being put on the defensive I hesitatingly answered 'I don't know.'  He didn't respond.  The vibes were awful.  I said 'what is your name?'  He answered 'Elmer.'  Not another word was said.  A relaxing break in the day became a tense break in the day.  So unneeded.

A week has past and to this day I'm not sure who went wrong.  Was I glib, careless, not really thoughtful to his worth?  Was he just being mean, grumpy, ugly?  I know it's a small happening in the whole of things but I still wonder.  Even though small, it was a violation of sorts and yes, another little 'why' was asked.

625.  Past

Principles

Systems


Underlying order

This is not written in stone.  When we see what appears to be a miracle, or a great healing, is it?  I don't think that God breaks any rules.  In the physical world he uses physics.  In the spiritual world he uses metaphysics, or spiritual physics.  When the two are crossed it is beyond our comprehension, but laws are still obeyed.  Perhaps some laws appear to be suspended, but beneath there still must be an underlying order.

624.  Past

Relating


Despite disappointment

When you are young, suffering can bring you to God.  You appeal for help when all else fails.  For a time you feel close to God and there seems to be progress and a payoff.  Later in life, when you are not so sure of things, when you thought this closeness to God would yield good results you are disappointed. It is at this point that it is hard to hold onto God.  The suffering has built up, the lines in your face become indented from stress, and it is hard to feel close.  You experience bitterness.  You originally thought that your new alignment with him would yield meaning and fulfillment.  But the good things expected didn’t come.  It is hard to be close to God when you see destruction in your life.

This is just one take on the subject, but an undeniable one.  People think their new relationship with God will save them.  It doesn’t.  The trick is to continue to hold onto belief in a maker even though you have been disappointed.

623.

Spiritual

Despite it all

I might die
from my many
may I say 'sins'
whether consciously
or unconsciously done
but may I lastly say
even if sounding
old fashioned
'God is still great'
as all my thinking
and all my doing
still lead me
to say this.