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Seeking truth

1/24/2015

272.

Principles

Truth

Seeking truth

The only permanent truth that can be found that is the truth is ephemeral and slightly beyond our grasp to perceive. It is true but we only receive a glimmer of it. It can't be proven or grasped, just sensed.

All other 'truths' are like changing sands or waves on the ocean. They are constantly shifting and changing, seemingly true for this instant but different for the next. To seek the truth in this existence is expecting too much. I have learned this the hard way. The truth of this situation or that situation will always have an equal opposite that also holds some truth. And it will shift and change gears. Any hard effort to capture and preserve it won't last.

This is not to say in this life some things are more workable for a time. These things closely reflect how the natural world works and can be beneficial to follow. Some systems of thought and procedures do parallel the reality of life and can work in life. But even these 'truths' are temporary. They might have wisdom and craft and tradition and principle and time to back their case, but they still are not whole and will disappoint if held on too tightly or too long.

This is why there is less and less to say in life. One begins to see the cracks and flaws in what one believes. One also sees the validity of alternate views that also make sense. And the only consistent truth that can be held onto to is in another realm always slightly beyond our reach.

All this can be learned from a life that seems to work or a life that doesn’t seem to work. Either way it is the truth.

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Exercising small

1/24/2015

5 Comments

271.

Principles

Health

Exercising small

I had a neighbor who walked quite a lot. She wasn't young but able to do so. I joined in for a number of years and would walk about 3 miles a day. On other days I would bike or swim.    Exercise is good but too much of anything is not. Unfortunately many of us don't know our limits. Maybe ego is involved. Yet we try and do the right thing. I had some warnings as my knees started to hurt. I avoided distance walking and began 20 minutes of walking sprints. Seemed to work for a time.

Then my hip started bothering me, to the point where it hurt to tie my shoelace. The owner of the vitamin store I go to had hip replacement from too much football as a youth. He told me what I had was the beginning. Too much biking, wear and tear.   Later he eased his stand on that. Funny how so many of us who tried to do the right thing found the right thing turned and bit us. Anyhow, the cause could be overuse as mentioned, or could be from an inflammation, the latest phrase describing bacteria gathering at a weak link in the body. They get into your bones so to speak. Maybe it even related to bacteria from infections in root canals although hard to prove. In any event I've adjusted to being conscious of doing exercise in a smaller way.

My first observation is that we spend a lot of time on the computers. As such, it's good to get up often, say every fifteen minutes and do something else. Paperwork, picking up a piece of paper, washing dishes, organizing stacks, household maintenance, all require varied movements of the body. They don't ground and pound with one repeated motion the way walking or biking does. Each household chore is unique, slightly varies and uses slightly different muscles. So my new way of looking at getting things done around the house, even cerebral things, can be a form of exercise.    Projects mean going back and forth, picking something up at point A and bringing them to point B. All of the motions use muscles and ligaments and reflexes. In other words, keeping your life going is the workout, and the home can be the gym. One is not always conscious in this way, but it does creep in.

I still go out and walk or bike, but its not a 'have to.' In addition, exercise can tire you out and your energies aren't going into getting your stuff done. So this is just another angle, another perspective on using your body in a smaller way but a good way. Nothing is the answer in and of itself, but little tips and observations do help out.

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Pointing in the right direction

1/24/2015

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270. Past

Introduction

Pointing in the right direction

Years ago I was not sure in which direction my art was going. Some time, a long time, was spent searching, reading, reaching out into the world and into myself for what I considered the meaning of life. Eventually, I came to believe there is an above. I realized one has to come to this conclusion separately from the religious and academic dogmas offered to us. Often the way is through our troubles. Breakthroughs come in our private, vulnerable moments, when our defenses are down and we can't will or force our way out. We are just helpless in that moment. If we don't run, and we don't try to make things better or make something happen, and stay with it, sometimes something good can happen and something grows. This result is to be trusted, because it was not manufactured through conscious effort.

In my introduction to my booklet “Breakthroughs” I wrote “My work is about exoneration. Sometimes it's okay not to be okay. So many pressures exist today, so many stresses. One has to be “on” all the time. From time to time, it's best to step back and admit we don't know, to not try to make it happen. Out of this quiet and acceptance, mysteriously, there might be a change for the better.”

My dad once said that different unrelated experiences sometimes combine to make a special totality. I have been an artist, veered away, traveled many roads, ordinary and not, and returned hopefully with understanding and knowledge. I think my drawings, poetry, writing and thinking are pointed in the direction I, and we, need to go.

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Now at the cusp

1/24/2015

1 Comment

269. Past

Reason

Now at the cusp

Most writers write the bulk of their work in their younger or middle years. This is before age and the awareness of death have to be faced. Age and death change everything and challenge all previous conclusions. Their writing is less complete because of this.

The difficulty, alluded to before, is that just at the point one becomes aware of age and death, the need to write begins to become less.

I find myself now at this cusp. It is important I write with the added perspective of age and death and overcome the lethargy that settles in.

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Can meaning emerge

1/24/2015

0 Comments

268. Past

Reason

Can meaning emerge

Can something real emerge out of this culture is my question? Can superficiality, materialism, commercialism be overcome with something meaningful. I started and continue the writing and drawing to answer this question.

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After the funeral

1/12/2015

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267. Past

After the funeral

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Funeral poem

1/12/2015

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266. Past

Principles

Death and dying
(This is an earlier version of 'After the Funeral')

Funeral poem

Traveling to have the funeral tape copied
on the West Side of Manhattan
street traffic continual without let up
as people run for a place on the bus
and gather for a seat on the second
they entered and left during the ride.
Afterward masses hurriedly walk
along 34th pulled by an invisible tension
and in the discount store we returned her clothes
amidst people comparing, pricing, bargaining
as a young Israeli girl who looked Spanish
asked us if the Speedsters were for men or not.
No, the world didn't stop for a heartbeat
and surges along in its craziness
as I inwardly protest
why everything does not stop
for a minutes silence
on the passing of my sweet mama.

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Not fully our bodies

1/12/2015

0 Comments

265. Past

Principles

Age and aging

Not fully our bodies

When young we think of the body and mind as the same. When we age we realize there is separation. We are linked to the body, but it's not fully you.

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Art

1/12/2015

0 Comments

264.

Principles

Art

Art

Art is like a beautiful mysterious angel
whom I was allowed to visit
but not allowed to stay.

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Visit with neighbor

1/12/2015

8 Comments

263.

Principles

Life and living

Visit with neighbor

A neighbor invited me over to give some cookies she made for various people in the neighborhood. She was being neighborly. She had also contacted a old boyfriend from 17 years ago in a far away state and hoped to renew the flame. It was consuming her and she threw herself into it. Her previous path in life which she had stood stubbornly by was almost overnight cast aside in light of this new passion. She volunteered unsolicited advice to me saying I should open my mind to having someone else in my life and asked if I was ready for it. She received my writings but I think never read them. I think she thought I was too into 'thinking.' Her next comment might relate to this. To paraphrase she said, “All the looking, searching, talking and arriving at what is right or not is 'bs.' It is better to get what you can out of life and participate in it.” All this I could hear and absorb without trouble. Her next comment, however, put a dent in me. She said 'none of us know the full truth here anyhow. We won't know it until we are on the other side.'

Now most of my life has been a search, a wrestling with ideas, a discovery of sorts, a wondering to know and arrive at what is true. One can't prove it but one can get a feel for it. The rest of life has been something I've gone through but have not been fully into it. Perhaps on a psychological level my beginnings felt incomplete and there was no rest until I answered the 'why.' One 'why' leads to want to know the answer to all the 'why's' in life.

Now my neighbor says to me out of the blue 'why struggle to know? We will all know the truth once we pass to the other side. Live and enjoy.' I had no immediate answer. Sometimes hearing what is obvious cuts through our defenses and lands deep. It is nothing I haven't thought of and about. She seemed to put me in the same boat she was in. She tried to wrestle with and make something happen in alignment with her principles. But now she was willing to sidestep everything all in the name of 'passion and love.' She seemed relieved.

For the time being there was no clarity. There is truth in what she says but it can't be the whole truth. I'm sure with time I'll settle into some understanding. For now though I'll have to live with a gap, a void, and no simple answer until understanding comes and I know the 'why.'

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Steven B. Nussdorf records his lifelong search to find meaning outside of the normal channels. He uses writing, poetry, and drawing to document this effort.

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