Life and living
Visit with neighbor
A neighbor invited me over to give some cookies she made for various people in the neighborhood. She was being neighborly. She had also contacted a old boyfriend from 17 years ago in a far away state and hoped to renew the flame. It was consuming her and she threw herself into it. Her previous path in life which she had stood stubbornly by was almost overnight cast aside in light of this new passion. She volunteered unsolicited advice to me saying I should open my mind to having someone else in my life and asked if I was ready for it. She received my writings but I think never read them. I think she thought I was too into 'thinking.' Her next comment might relate to this. To paraphrase she said, “All the looking, searching, talking and arriving at what is right or not is 'bs.' It is better to get what you can out of life and participate in it.” All this I could hear and absorb without trouble. Her next comment, however, put a dent in me. She said 'none of us know the full truth here anyhow. We won't know it until we are on the other side.'
Now most of my life has been a search, a wrestling with ideas, a discovery of sorts, a wondering to know and arrive at what is true. One can't prove it but one can get a feel for it. The rest of life has been something I've gone through but have not been fully into it. Perhaps on a psychological level my beginnings felt incomplete and there was no rest until I answered the 'why.' One 'why' leads to want to know the answer to all the 'why's' in life.
Now my neighbor says to me out of the blue 'why struggle to know? We will all know the truth once we pass to the other side. Live and enjoy.' I had no immediate answer. Sometimes hearing what is obvious cuts through our defenses and lands deep. It is nothing I haven't thought of and about. She seemed to put me in the same boat she was in. She tried to wrestle with and make something happen in alignment with her principles. But now she was willing to sidestep everything all in the name of 'passion and love.' She seemed relieved.
For the time being there was no clarity. There is truth in what she says but it can't be the whole truth. I'm sure with time I'll settle into some understanding. For now though I'll have to live with a gap, a void, and no simple answer until understanding comes and I know the 'why.'