Writings Past and Present - For These Times

Thoughts

2/26/2015

288. Past

Principles

Art

Thoughts

I have thoughts and doubts about my art, some are valid, and some are not.

Certain reactions to my work make me wonder. My mom said my work should be more direct, forceful instead of so subdued. Is there truth in this? I was trained to see things optically in a detailed way. This allows me achieve a certain level and validation. But it also restricts me. What is inside me is still a mystery.

Letting go

2/26/2015

287. Past

Parents

Dad

Letting go

Dad told me
about early
stick ball games
how good he was
how he could place the ball
pull it down the line
picked often because he was lefty
and played first.

Oh dad
time is short
and I'll never know all about you.
To look back at the years
to get inside you as you were
is good but also hurts my insides.

I have to let go and move forward
but I'm not always sure
if letting go of your image
maybe means letting go forever.

Two ways

2/26/2015

286.

Spirituality

Spiritual living

Two ways

Let's assume one has concluded there is a God. Do you then live in a way where you feel lead by Him, in a spirited way, so to speak? Do you act as if daily pragmatic decisions and long term ones are lead by Him? Do you live as if your destiny is pulled forward by Him?

Or do you live as any man? God is in the background somewhere, underneath and behind everything, but the decisions you make are no different than anyone else. No special treatment is here. You are subject to the same laws of life as everyone else.

Most people I've run across who try it the first way seem to have a lot of trouble down the road. Often they never fully had their feet on the ground.

On the other hand, people who take the second route do well enough but something is lacking in their being despite their detached and Mr. Cool decisions.

There is much at stake in having an answer as far as which direction to go in. It affects your life and there are consequences. Of course on a grander scale the demarcation might not be so clear. One might go one way and than the other. Or you might just wear yourself out from trying to figure it out. It's all on the menu as we dig to answer these deep questions from within.

Time to assess

2/26/2015

285. Past

Principles

Thinking and understanding

Time to assess

At a certain point I knew I could learn no more. No more concepts or ground breaking thinking was in my scope. It hurt my brain to do so. I had gone far enough in my searching and questioning. I had enough observations and experiences. What was left was to assess, and to tie the loose ends of what I had, but the exploration was complete.

Considering Bernie Madoff

2/26/2015

284.

Principles

Living and life

Considering Bernie Madoff

This could be off the wall but still I'll still put it out there. There are some lessons even a Mr. Bernie Madoff can give to some of us. True, he scammed people for 50 billion dollars. He wrecked others' lives as well as his own. His two sons are dead. He mislead, lied and cheated, something every 7 year old knows not to do. He is in prison. Mob justice would have him dead.

So what am I talking about? I think Bernie Madoff knew how to make himself content. I think he knew how to meet his needs, create a world and tinker with it, making it his own playpen. Many of us never had this skill. We were not comfortable in our own skins. We served what was bigger than us, the schools, the institutions, our parents, principles and paradigms but we never served ourselves. We were sacrifices to the world or this or that cause. But we never knew how to meet our own needs. We discovered this later, much later, when all that's left was in a damage control mode.

I read Bernie Madoff was a lifeguard in Florida. Not a bad gig for observing how things work. There was much eye candy around and it gave him some importance. . He could observe the scene and see how things worked from his high poach. He saw the human sharks and the real ones. He must have been comfortable with his physical appearance for lifeguards are on display.

Later, when in full bloom, he made Wall Street his toy. He played with them, played the system, and like a kid in a playpen, said I want that and nobody said no. Later, after being caught, he said, to paraphrase 'All of wall street is ponzi scheme.' I don't think Bernie acted out of revenge, or to get even. I just think he liked to play, get what he wanted, and had fun doing it a quicker way. He made it his own boardgame.

When indited we all saw a video of Bernie being escorted to court or somewhere else while scoffers and press hounded him as he emerged out of his car. His fists were raised in defiance, ready to go at it. He was a ninja warrior. Instead of being on his knees begging forgiveness and humbled by remorse, Bernie turned to grade B movie heroes and chose to fight his way out of this. He saw a threat to his world and would strike back. He would defend himself. He was still in charge. It was still him against the world and there was no humility.

Then in prison I read that he was relatively okay. Instead of being raped and pummeled as many would have hoped, he was popular with other prisoners. After all, he was king of the con men. He would enjoy his meals and chatting with other aging goats about the love affairs of fellow inmates soap opera style. It passed the time and Bernie again made his situation work. He survived, met his needs with what the world threw at him, whether he was right or wrong.

My experience, my take is that he had this sense of self contentment early from his mom. She met his needs and so it wasn't so much a stretch to have the world meet his needs. He knew what it felt like to feel good and complete so he knew what to fight for. He was allowed to be who he was, good or bad.

Ok, some of what I'm throwing out there is conjecture, true or not. Then what is my point? My point is the Bernie Madoff made the best out of every situations he was in. He knew how to survive and turn a negative situation into one that served him. He accepted the world as is and made it work. True, he had a warped consciousness and sense of right and wrong. Maybe, on a positive note, what can be taken away is that if the world is corrupt one should survive it as he did and have that serve one's innate sense of balance and good and justice as he had it serve his selfishness.

Appreciation

2/15/2015

283. Past

Observations

Appreciation

With time, appreciating nature itself, its beauty, its workings, while enthralling, is still not enough, not the biggest picture. What is amazing is that we can be “amazed” at it. But being amazed at something implies being separated from it. We are from another place. This realization of beauty makes us aware of this other place. We are thankful but still separated. For a moment we share with beauty this other place, but then it is gone. We have to move on. We are left with a longing.

Holding back talent

2/15/2015

282. Past

Observations

Holding back talent

There are times when it is not good to pursue talent and passion. The people who hold back from pursuits and proceed with reserve deserve praise. The intensity of a myopic vision is not always called for and can be destructive to a person's self and surroundings.

If you've been wrong

2/15/2015

281.

Principles

Living and life

If you've been wrong

Perhaps something you spent a long time on started out with good intentions. Later with time and experience you saw it began to fall short. You can hypothesize why but you're still not sure. It might become clearer although too much clarity at this point might be painful.

Best not castigate yourself. Rather be reborn in the day you are in. What you had done at the very least marked time. It got you from point A to point B to where you are at now. Chronologically, it served to keep you active as time progressed. It also centered and focused all your faculties as you worked through time.

If nothing else, honor that and dignify that. Although not fully right, it had served a purpose and had some good in it. Don't judge it too harshly. Step away and let it breathe and then simmer Also, don't fully judge it by the world's standards. It was something you had to do to reach a certain conclusion that either grew with time or brought closure to a certain way of seeing things. It even might return in a related form, not quite the same but seen anew from another perspective.

Advantage of starting young

2/15/2015

280. Past

Observations

Advantage of starting young

It seems as if the nature of accomplishment is that it is good to start young, right out of the gate. All your energy, your sex drive, your insecurities are channeled into your pursuit. I would like to think experience, awareness and right perspective are just as valuable. Maybe so, but it's harder to muster the raw drive a young person has. Yet, for some of us, we pursue despite this until we have to stop.

Efficiency and disappointment

2/15/2015

279. Past

Principles

Living and life

Efficiency and disappointment

I try to be efficient as I can. I try to save a few seconds here and there. Then when I have some time I don't always know what to do with it. How disappointing.