Once again proof was needed
Once again I sought answers from others. There was a certain incompleteness I felt within, a configuration I could not solve. Whoever I spoke to could just give so much. Experience taught me not to push, not to expect, not to ask if it wasn't offered. What do you do? Living just within yourself and being fully self-contained did not work either. That is why you sought people in the first place. This was a scenario that seemed new but wasn't.
I needed someone who knew me better than I knew myself. Who could this be? No one I knew. No wise person from the past. No words from a sage written centuries ago would satisfy. Who then? I needed something bigger than myself, something larger in breath and depth. I needed someone from another dimension. Why stop there though? Why not go to whomever is in charge of this dimension, of all dimensions? Why not go to the biggest of big, to what is all encompassing? Why not go to a God, or the God? That's what was needed. If there was no God, I would invent him because I needed him. If I'm going to live in an illusion, might as well go for the biggest one.
Then I recalled I do believe in an almighty, in a god. I recalled all the roads I took and traveled to find this out. I remembered I had been seeking for many years and seemed to have a relationship with the above. Of course I could not demonstrate this. Of course I could be wrong. However, once again, lost in space and suspended in a void and having no memory from the past, step by step I seemed to be led, in a particularly unique way (they always are) to rediscover something from nothing, somewhere from nowhere, and God from no God.
The process was a personal one that worked on me internally and brought me from chaos to knowledge. Of course I could not prove this, but something was proven to me from within. Each time it's as if I started from scratch and had to rebuild this proof. Each time this proof varies and lasts for five minutes or five days or five weeks. Each time in a different way I am reconnected with what I am meant to know and each time I forget.