693.

Vignette

Tons of money

Recently attended a birthday party for a longtime friend who was entering her senior years in Egyptian style.  That is the party was a costume party with this theme due to her recent trip to that country.  Unfortunately like the plagues the rains came down and I wondered if it was canceled or not.  Communication was not clear but with neighbors we took a chance and the party was on.

About 50 people braved it and it was fun and costumed and musical and festive and fed.  I missed the latter because I was talking too much with people I haven't seen in awhile.  It was a good time out if one could manage the cold drips finding their way to your skin.  My Pharaoh's outfit might put me in charge but did not protect from the rain.  Some umbrellas did and we all skipped from one big umbrella to the next.  Oh yes, this was an outdoor event.  

Anyhow, a lot could be written but I'll I'll harp on one microscopic occurrence.  After many conversations, serious and silly, I decided to run to the coat room to get my glasses before someone sat on them.  I ran into a lady in her 40's whom I met a while ago at the hostess's house along with her 16 year old son.  The lady, divorced, was raising him alone and was proud of the fact that he had saved someone with his knowledge of CPR which he was trained in.  I roughly recall the boy was interested in paramedic work and was taking classes along those lines.

When speaking to the woman I asked  her why her son hadn't come.  She said he's in college now, having a good time, in a fraternity, and getting la..d a lot.  Around her he couldn't get away with all he's doing, so he stays up there.  I asked if he's still pursuing the paramedical field.  She answered 'they' originally were planning a medical career but now he's into finance.  At this point another man was listening.

I asked why the switch.

She answered that doctors don't make much money now, it's too managed so 'they' are going towards the money now.  He wants to make tons of money.  That was the plan. She than repeated 'money, money.'

I agreed doctors have expenses and its not what it was, but it's still pretty decent.  She answered it would be better for him just to make tons of money.

The gentleman and I glanced at one another, somewhat knowingly but we said nothing after that.  It was a semi arty crowd there that night and all the people had stories and paths and creative projects they pursued.   And yes, at one point creativity collided with money, and the latter had to be dealt with.  People also had to wrestle with health issues, and last but not least, spiritual issues and meaning.
And we all knew money wasn't everything and did not guarantee happiness.

However,  the man and I said nothing because the way the lady blurted out 'tons of money' was from her gut, reached by process of elimination, honed down through time and wear and tare,  and seemed almost a force of nature one could not oppose.  It was a chord  struck that one did not mess with.  It was a meeting place between observation and truth, albeit an unpleasant truth.

So we remained quiet.  We had to give that chord, her gut, its due.  We knew from within where it was coming from.  Our own experience in these times saw the accuracy of her take on life today.  However, I know this is just one point in the universe, one stopping point on the train, one piece of furniture in the room.  It could not define the all.  It was too narrow, too limited, too disappointing.  I think the man knew this.  What about craft, careers, interests, passions, pursuits and service?  Were all to be thrown under the bus for 'tons of money.' As for the lady, I feel she has pushed all other truths somewhere in the back of her mind and I  hope someday is able to dust them off, clean them up and give them their freedom again for all our sake.  Otherwise life continues to get a little scarier. 

692. 

Vignettes

No worry 

A couple of lady neighbors invited me over for a birthday cake a couple of days after my birthday.  Hellen, from a substantial New York background that somewhat lost some of its material wealth, commented that she just didn't worry.  It doesn't help was her reason.  She said her kids called her Pollyanna. 

I responded I do worry about some things such as health, money, cars and on and on.  I said pain is part of the whole thing too.  Plus asking questions about life.  Plus finding out what you believe in.  I said Buddha had said life consists of pain and suffering.

She said she always tried to make the best of things and tried to have a good time. She worked hard when she had to and found most situations resolve themselves.  She spoke highly of her exhusband and father and kids.

I answered this can be a luxury. It is not always so.

But then I saw the value in what she said. I added if you have a good comfort level, have what you need and see things soberly and become capable and confident, yes, why worry.

Somehow my arguments seemed like excuses, rationals for falling short or missing the boat.   Everything thing I could say seemed like rationalizations, justifications for worrying and suffering.

When you recognize what is good in another person, there  is not much to say.  We want to justify our suffering by giving it universal meaning.  This is not always so.

677.  Past

Vignettes

Being mush  

I was talking to Dave, a man who did my scanning, as I often did in those days, about my stay in Laughlin, Nevada, located 100 miles near Las Vegas, Nevada.  I had been out West for 5 years, traveling in a Toyota Chinook, learning the ins and outs of living out there.  Wintering in Laughlin made sense. It was warmer, had places to park your RV, and there was work.  It was also corrupt as hell, but that's another subject.

Figuring I would winter there, some work made sense.  Security seemed an avenue to try.  You held some authority and it was not physically tiring.  I went for an interview.  What stands out in my memory was standing around in a circle with men and women and being asked questions and then being asked to dance.  Basically they wanted to see if we were pliable, malleable, and bendable.   Men trying to be men need not apply.  For the low pay and the getting demeaned they wanted you to smile and take it.  At the time, building my sense of self and integrity, I couldn't do it.  Being mush didn't fit.

641.

Vignette

No answers

I was speaking to my new neighbor friend Paul and he was telling me about some eye difficulties he had.  At a local eye institute they adjusted a pyramid lens for him and the glasses didn't work so they are not sure what to do and seem to be fishing for answers.

I shared at the same institute i saw an attractive bright young ophthalmologist who was highly recommended.  From what I read she was usually cautious and conservative with offering cataract surgery but with my left eye she seemed the opposite.  Upon leaving the office and waiting for a lift a man was waiting to pick up his wife who spent a week in the hospital in great pain after receiving the same surgery by the same doctor.  Hmmmmm.

Her eyes were itching her constantly and I asked if she had allergies as I do?  I said this last week my eyes ere tearing greatly.  He said yes that has to be it.  Her eyes were swollen and excreting fluids and then surgery and suppressant medications on top of that caused a nightmare.  I said why didn't the doctors think of that?  The answer was they were myopic and in their own worlds.

Paul and I shared some teeth stories and dental issues and there seemed to be a pattern.  Then he said it's the same with your car, no answers.  My car wasn't starting in the mornings until the sun beamed down and heated it up.  Thirteen hundred dollars later the problem still existed.  My shop was tried, along with two shade tree mechanics who just replaced parts.  Then we tried  his favorite mechanic at a shop and after being polite to me the mechanic basically didn't want to get involved.  Anything out of just cash cow maneuvers on unaware widows he didn't want to mess with.

I said they all just want to protect their jobs.  The system the way it is doesn't really look out for our needs  Paul concurred.  Then I added as you get older it becomes clear that when you really need answers for any of your needs none are really there.  With all the institutions and billions spent on research your individual problems aren't really met.  Their solutions touch your needs but don't really risk delving into them.  It might upset their apple cart.

Paul agreed and we made plans to meet for lunch where I had a birthday never used coupon that they would honor and life rolled on.

632.

Vignettes

Regular guy dinner   

My neighbor Ed took me out for dinner at a health food restaurant in Boca Raton, Florida.  He is here not often, staying in Albany with his younger 2nd wife. His first had died.  Ed was Jewish but being from Albany did not have many hard edges. Hence, he was easy to be around.  He was approaching a big birthday.  In Florida when he was gone I looked after his place. When his 88 year old father in law stayed down for a couple of months I kept an eye on him.

The restaurant was full, surprising on a Monday night.  Traffic had been heavy.  On the way I told him about my car, Irving's recent troubles and ongoing saga.  It was an interesting tale and still was not finished.  He listened and offered that his new car after 25,000 miles had no warranty and he just spent $450 on it. On the food front I ordered bison organic meat, something I rarely have.  I also had carrot cake for desert.  Before there was a salad and then a pizza like appetizer made from organic ingredients. 

The place was noisy and I had trouble hearing him.  I did  hear that he was arranging a vacation for his family for his big birthday.  During the meal I was bumped from behind often but I, normally observant, was oblivious.  Finally I looked behind me I saw a table filled with 8 women occupying part of the isles.  No wonder.  Ed said they were very rude in grabbing chairs.  The entire meal I was unaware of what happened but he was watching.  We both were critical of their behavior.

We talked about his wife's good friend's husband who just recovered from colon cancer.  It was a bit of a nightmare although when I saw his friend Bob he looked fine.  Ed told me he will be driving Bob's car back to New York because Bob can't sit that long. The year had been a hard one for Bob and his wife  They were down in Florida for a short while and I saw them briefly at Ed's place.

On the way home Ed stopped short at a yellow light.  I told him at 130 AM I once got a ticket for running a yellow light turning red.  He said did you fight it?  I said I looked into it but didn't.  He said if I disagreed I should have written a letter.  I said I have to priortize my battles.  We went back and forth.  He said one time he wrote a letter about a ticket and got satisfaction.  I considered what he said and said so.  I felt no pressure to finalize a conclusion.

There is no theme or major or even minor point to this writing. It is just tidbits from life with no central thrust.  However, there can be  a point to be drawn from all this.  That is once in awhile it is okay just to be a regular guy having a regular evening with another regular guy with no agenda attached or purpose .  It's okay just to be regular some times.

626.

Vignette  

Y'all

I went to a nearby pool the other day because mine was being worked on and a German resident who I slightly knew entered the gate.  Trying to be friendly I knew his name began with a vowel and blurted 'Excuse me is your name 'Olie?'  His reaction was sudden and severe, saying 'Do I look like an Olie?  Jesus Christ.'   From being friendly to suddenly being put on the defensive I hesitatingly answered 'I don't know.'  He didn't respond.  The vibes were awful.  I said 'what is your name?'  He answered 'Elmer.'  Not another word was said.  A relaxing break in the day became a tense break in the day.  So unneeded.

A week has past and to this day I'm not sure who went wrong.  Was I glib, careless, not really thoughtful to his worth?  Was he just being mean, grumpy, ugly?  I know it's a small happening in the whole of things but I still wonder.  Even though small, it was a violation of sorts and yes, another little 'why' was asked.

581.

Vignette

Jon the bast...rd

I saw Jon at my high school reunion.  He was a little overweight but otherwise looked as if he was taken care of.  Coming into the high school in tenth grade all the groups and clicks were set up and Jon did not quite fit in.  He would blurt out what he thought and usually his timing  and cadence were off.  The powers that be in the class would let him know too. I wasn't part of a group but I had individual peers I related to on different levels.  To Jon's credit he was an observer as was I so we shared notes occasionally. 

Jon had a place in Florida near me now and he said we must get together.  I agreed  and six months  later I received a call and we made a date to meet at Panera's midway between us.  We met and our talk was surprisingly relaxing.  At the reunion, I didn't recall but I must have shared some more observations about our class with him.  He wanted to discuss some of them which we did.  When leaving I asked if we covered the class notes pretty well and he said I was pretty complete.  During lunch Jon asked me how I passed the years and I answered with a mix of truth and convenience.  He described his journalism career as starting of all places in Florida, then going to Texas and eventually to New York.  He said at some point he couldn't take it anymore and had sold enough apartments and inherited a pile of money from his dad, a prominent lawyer in New York. Jon said he grew up on Park Avenue and even though never asking for much money accept for a down payment on a house in Ft. Lauderdale, he always sensed this pot of gold was there for him.  Well, that explains his sometimes carelessness and lack of timing.  He could make mistakes some of us can't.

Jon was married three times times and I asked him 'why, was it his fault?' He said no, he was just unlucky.  He did seem kind of lucky though in his life and was able to role with the punches, helped of course by knowing there was back up.  He seemed to land on his feet quite often and also made the best of things.

Anyhow, all this leads to a scenario which sums up the impression I received that afternoon.  Jon had been working at a leading news station in Texas as a manager and got fired.  His boss was on the phone with an executive from ABC in New York and said he just fired his manager (Jon) and that he was a 'bast...rd.'  The New York ABC executive said “what's his name.  That's just what we need around here, a bast...rd'   Jon worked at ABC for 11 years.  And that's the impression I got of how Jon rolled.

542.  Past

Vignette

Cynthia worked at her son in law's clothing store selling Paris fashions and that night we talked. I forgot what led up to it but I said you need good memories, they're important.  She added "especially if you don't have enough money as you get older and have to work.  They might be all you have."

435. 

Vignette

Playing God

I woke up at 3am and decided to take a look at the moon. When I lived in New York I could not just hop out into the open so easily.  Anyhow, the sky was clear, full of stars, the moon was about 3/4 full and bright, and I said 'How's my child.'  I felt I was it's mother/father.

Sometimes I play God.