72.  Past

Spiritual

Spiritual living

Beyond the books

Beyond the books

Did the wisdom from the sages really help?
Did the writings of the  ancients add to your life?
Did reading about mystical nuances give  you peace?
Did learning about daily prayers satisfy?

Not for me. Not at this point.
Understanding, awakening, realizing, tickling the brain,
all are not enough anymore. Time has made that  clear.
I need the real thing, not the books about it.                                                        1

71.  Past

Reason for this writing

Your meaning is universal  

People are looking for meaning and the reason for suffering.  If what
you have found has meaning to you, it might have meaning for others.  It
might be universal.

70.  Past

Reason for this work

Before irrelevance 

It’s time to state the case.  Enough  knowledge has been accumulated. I’m not sure how long my body will have  the strength to do it.  So now is the time, while there still is
time.  A sense of urgency is needed to counter the calamities of life
thrown my way or just simple complacency.  The urge to not make waves, to
merge with everyone, to get what you can with what time is left increases
everyday.  The “way of life” and its needs seem to take over.  The
mind and body resist being stretched anymore.  That is why it is important
to get my thoughts, observations and conclusions down now, before I and they
become irrelevant.

69.

 
Theology, Religion, Spiritual

 
Spiritual living

Above pure justice

Early one morning before fully awake the thought came to me that I’m getting
what I put into this life.  I guess I didn’t put in enough and justice is
being served.  Somehow, during this life, I hope the sweetness and the
strength and the presence lift me above this pure justice.

68.


Theology, Religion, Spiritual


Spiritual living


Interpretation of life


It seems as if there is a negative, dark side interpretation to my life which
is hard to bear.  It leads to nowhere.  When in the dark side if I see
or hear the light or presence I’m lifted and see a positive interpretation for
my life.  Both have to be given their due.  Often I’m not aware of
either.

67.  Past


Principles


Art


Caught between two traditions  

There are many ways to interact with other people.  I was speaking to
Margaret, my ex-wife from many years ago, about an artist who had been a star
early as a student of the American artist Fairfield Porter, who then went on to
do Zen painting, and finally became an alcoholic.  I knew from my
experience that Fairfield Porter had carried his vein of tradition as far as he
could.  His work was figurative with flat color values.  The student
had absorbed all of what his teacher had offered and mastered it.  The
trouble with this inherited tradition is that it was narrow and left no place to
go.  Stuck, he switched gears, embraced eastern thought where art was less
an external appreciation of the world than an assistant to inward
awareness.  He probably explored various meditative states and created art
from it, but again reached a dead end.  Here too an early mastery was
required as a base to evolve from. He was caught between two ways of doing art,
one from too narrow an inherited tradition, the other from too deep a
tradition.

66. 

Principles

Family

Talk with Bill

Was speaking the other day with Bill, a 46 year old gallery manager, about
his ex-marine, adventurer, racing mechanic, athletic father.  When Bill had
asked him, with all his abilities, why he hadn't done better in life, he
answered because he had kids.  Great to hear that.  Funny, my mom once
gave me the same answer.

At the time I had this take on the subject.  I mentioned people at the
top are often superficial.  They rode a wave of force that often came
before them. It was just like surfing, they took off and things came their
way.  Sometimes extreme success limits our growth as humans.  Not all
of life is experienced.  Most of us, maybe like Bill's dad, are in the middle,
dealing with emotions, conflicts and the totality of human experience,
less black and white than the top.  This is just another perspective,
not an anti-success writing.  The middle, with its contradictions and
conflicting pulls, is often where the hard work is done and the stuff life
is made from.

  


64.  Past


Vignette 


Caught between two poles

I was speaking to a lady friend and a mutual friend and the latter hinted I
was too serious.  I had a business interaction with her a few years
back.  She hinted I liked to get into trouble, or at least wished I
could.  Hmmm.  Interesting she caught this from maybe one or two brief
unconscious stares I had towards her way back then.  I said I've always
been too serious and do miss having some fun.  The original friend said
that's true, we don't remember our hard work, just our fun times.  Does
seem true I thought.

I added as you get older, with just so much time left, you are caught between
two poles.  One is to pull something off, for it's your final chance. 
The other is to have a good time with the time you have left.  No simple
answer here and the next morning this talk saddened me.

65.

Spiritual

Spiritual living

Compassion for self

If you do one thing you can’t be doing something else.  There are just
so many things you can do.  As one gets older there are more things you
haven’t done than you have.  You see this and feel the imbalance. You have
only partially lived life and you have to bear the results of this.

This morning I saw before me my activities, some of my struggles and what I
have tried to do.  I saw where my need to follow an idea myopically to a
conclusion has led.  I saw where my need to order everything up and down
the scale has led.  And with seeing all this and more, I saw myself for a
second as the maker sees me.  All my ideas and efforts are not fully
realized, and yet it is what I have done with myself and my life.  And so,
as a good listener and friend, I viewed my life, or as much as I could absorb,
without judgment and with acceptance and a hand on my shoulder showing care and
understanding.  There is more to me than just my life.

63.  Past


Theology


Work of art

Just as I create art, I am a work of art being created.  I am not
creating myself, but being created.