looking at self with hand on shoulder

Compassion for self

9/6/2013

65.

Spiritual

Spiritual living

Compassion for self

If you do one thing you can’t be doing something else. There are just
so many things you can do. As one gets older there are more things you
haven’t done than you have. You see this and feel the imbalance. You have
only partially lived life and you have to bear the results of this.

This morning I saw before me my activities, some of my struggles and what I
have tried to do. I saw where my need to follow an idea myopically to a
conclusion has led. I saw where my need to order everything up and down
the scale has led. And with seeing all this and more, I saw myself for a
second as the maker sees me. All my ideas and efforts are not fully
realized, and yet it is what I have done with myself and my life. And so,
as a good listener and friend, I viewed my life, or as much as I could absorb,
without judgment and with acceptance and a hand on my shoulder showing care and
understanding. There is more to me than just my life.

8 Comments

Kim

9/8/2013 02:00:05 am

Dear Steve,

I have finally found he silence of the countryside to allow myself to drop into a relaxed reading of your journal. I started from after your trip to NY and just finished with today's entry.

Steve, I cannot tell you often enough how soothing, conscious, aware, healing, interesting,acknowledging your writings are for me.

If you lived next door, I could imagine a tea, a walk, a talk, separation for being, doing and thinking and then to repeat another day.

How is it that everything you have said is my experience as well? Are we each connected to a Higher Being/Self which allows entry into the struggle AND with great calm?

When you said you awoke and the arm of the Light was there for you and you felt an arm around you comforting you, but that you wanted that comfort in this world, I understood BUT the ENVY that you have found it ANYWHERE...the flash of desire that I would settle for that experience of comfort from the DIVINE gratefully since I have NOT accessed her/him when I awaken in dread and fear before meditating, praying, running into the world, I would be ever grateful to find that "arm" from the Other side or within me or anywhere. Yes..I get glimpses and mostly I get SIGNS which must suffice as the pain seems to be gaining - or I am more vulnerable to the outside world and family such that I am run down and weighed down...sometimes in absolute horror at others' narcissism and total disregard for my well being - but ever understanding that that is their defense against THEIR experience of horror and despair as their longings of how I should behave disappoint THEM.

A Divine presence at 3:15am sitting with me would be wonderfully healing of my ravaged soul.

ALL those writings were subtle and powerful and so helpful, in the moment I was reading them.

love,

Kim

Steven

9/8/2013 02:15:25 am

Kim,
just quickly responding to your meaningful comment. Your 'ravaged soul' speaks to those of us also at that tipping point. I also relate to how others have longings for you to behave in a way that helps them. I've had those longings about others too. Yes I found the arm
that comforts which is everything and yet some how, mysteriously, the pain still deepens. If it's a price I have to pay I'll pay it but what a price. Anyhow thanks from me and I'm sure others for diving into the waters so deeply.
Steve

rickie

9/8/2013 02:25:57 am

Hi Steve,

Always interesting to read your new sharings. You refer to the Savannah dust storms, I think you meant Sahara.
Wishing you a Shana Tovah - a good, sweet New Year!

~Rickie

cynthia

9/8/2013 02:28:22 am

Very nice Steve!

Tom

9/16/2013 11:29:42 am

Hi Steve,
Not too sure of what you mean by "There is more to me than just life".
A thought; how can it be that there is so much disagreement about anything? Can the plan be that each one of us is unique? I say yes. Now I can understand and predict some aspects of behavior. A different program on our hard drive (unique) results in differences of emotional output...hence frustration because we do not think alike. A computer, completely predictable outcomes....same program, same result.
Hope all is well.
Regards,
Tom

steven

9/16/2013 11:35:37 am

hey tom,
good to hear from you. I think you are right and an interesting observation. how can we come to so many different conclusions if not unique? another way of seeing it is that the core is the same of everything, but since there is division we all see it from slightly different angles, hence the differences.

on my quote, well, one can be in a frustrating situation, or helpless before ones conditioning, but part of us sees this, part of us dreams of being different, part of us has the illusion we are something else, all these aspects are all part of us and more than just the results of how we live and what we do.

9/16/2013 11:37:26 am

Just thought I would say hello and Happy New year again.

The weather has changed suddenly here in the low 50s at night and in the low 60s during the day. The leaves have not started to change colour in the city however in the country (north) we are starting to see the reds and yellows and orange. Why am I telling you this, it dosen t make a difference to you. Sorry for boring you.
Keep well, looking forward to your next writings, your writings are as good as going to Shuel and hearing the rabbi. They make me stop and think and a lot of my past comes into focus.
So stay as best as you can,
J

steven

9/16/2013 11:41:19 am

thank you j.....no I don't mind hearing what your doing and how the weather is.....somehow its like we re cousins and lets face it we connect spiritually so in ways we are spiritual cousins.....I don't have family down here so its nice to hear how life just continues and such. also gives me a feel of other places. so all good.

yes, would be therapeutic for you to be here.

first labor day, rosh hashana, then my birthday sept 8, then yom kippur, and my spirit feels it, swirling to speak. doubts, then internal rebirths, a spiritual mind blowing period while the practical continues.

enjoy your feedback and support re the web. its honest and reaffirming.

s

Compassion for self

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Steven B. Nussdorf records his lifelong search to find meaning outside of the normal channels. He uses writing, poetry, and drawing to document this effort.

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