672.

Spiritual living

Softening



When younger you have a character, definition, a personality, a point of view.
When older you face the opposite of all this......it becomes harder to be so definite.

Faced with all the contradictions of who you were, you ease and mellow and accept.....you must because now you are living between who you were and all that differs from who you were. Since you are not sure where your footing is nor where you appropriately stand, and you are contained between the two within your body, in a sort of no man's land, a softening attitude can calm the spirit and soften the edges and preserve your nerves.

669.  Past

Principles

Age

Adjusting to what he saw
(Observations of dad from about 10 years ago)

My dad is not often in a good mood lately.  At 91 being a 24/7 care giver to my mom plus other things gets to his nerves and he doesn’t talk much to me lately.  This morning however he did talk and beneath it all was a good feeling.

He shared that he and my mom went outside (big development in the middle of Manhattan) and sat on the bench around a playground set up for miniature tennis. He related that when I was a kid the different playgrounds would be used for different sports, whatever they were set up for.  But now, the young newcomers just mixed it all up, doing all sorts of activities wherever they wanted.   Then he told me one day when he was sitting “they just do what they want and don’t follow any rules.”  He said on the left and right of him on the bench were two widows with walkers. He had a walker and walking towards the bench a third elderly person had a cane.  She had fractured her hip, used a walker, then a cane, now just carries the cane.  My dad was the only man there, the other husbands all deceased.  He said that was strange.  So they were the senior generation looking at what was following, and as he put it, it is not easy for seniors to adjust to what they see all the time.  Quite an understatement.

I said it is very hard for me down in Florida to get used to so many people without manners.  Rudeness prevails. 

Then I said it is better when he is able to use a walker, but I think he doesn’t always want to be seen with it.  He related one story where two kids ran by him, almost knocking him over when without a walker.  He seemed to have a quiet acceptance of all that was happening.  I shared that the golfers in golf carts often almost hit the walkers, which personally happened to me numerous times.  They are arrogant, self-involved and not aware of what is around them. 

My dad then brought up the danger of delivery bikers where he lives, and how reckless and dangerous they can be.  Most don’t speak English and treat you with disdain.  My dad has been a liberal his whole life, but he then said when watching TV every other channel had a non-Caucasian on it.  He said it was a different world then what we grew up in, hard to adjust to and something we have to learn to live with.  I said some people can’t get used to it.  He said people are reacting.  He continued to say that it is not foreigners they are against, but certain attitudes that undermine our society, even though it is true our society has also lost much of its substance.

Through the whole conversation my father did not lose his cool, as sometimes he does with personal matters, and he said that it is good to be aware of our surroundings and what is happening, but through it all to keep an underlying positivity underneath it all.  Hard to capture in words but had a good feeling to it. Just spoke to my mom today and she said he is not feeling well, too much strain, doing too much.  Not great to hear this, but glad I heard what I did before. 

668.

Principles

Living

A big vision

I think the best way to live is to serve a big vision that comes from within.  This of course could take decades.  Making money, practicalities all take a certain form and structure and fit in when the vision is in place.

Until this point one might have to fumble along or work towards lesser visions or just survive with no vision at all or a wishy washy one.  However, once a real one is realized the wait is seen as worth it.

The other approach to life, handling practicalities, making money, building structures around you, and finally when reaching a certain point adding a vision won't really work. You'll have a life that seems to work, but it will not have a real vision.  It will be manufactured. 

So live, do what you have to, play out different cards but be aware all the elements won't make sense until there is a big vision and all else indirecty and directly serves it.  Moving towards this is the only direction to take.  Of course you'll do and try other avenues, but this is what will last.

667.

Observations

Who would have thought....    

Who would have thought
the 'whys' of life
end in a standstill?

Who would have thought
the 'questions' of life
lead  to silence?

Who would have thought
that 'understanding' this life
ends in a blank stare?

Who would have thought
one becomes empty
as if just born.

666.

My Family

Dad

The biggest lesson     

The biggest lesson
from my trip to New York
was to see my dad
who broke his hip
and almost died
in a different light
then I had thought.

What I saw
was not pleasing
and instead of helping
him to heal
I myself
needed the healing.

665.  Past

Principles

My family

Their voices
In the very last years when both were elderly, I found at times my dad's voice could be nourishing and my mom's voice filling. This was not always the case, but it was special when it happened.

664.  Past

Observations

Finally have the time 

Even though things were okay, I felt lost.  I was not sure how to use my energies or what direction to take.  Finally I had the time to do something, and I didn’t know what to do.