418.  Past

Principles

Living

The “here and now”

I've spent years searching for a way to live that makes sense.  Finding what is meaningful took years.  How to live during and after this search has always been a question.  “How one does live” is a worthy question.

One principle seems clear.  A well rounded life is needed for balance and harmony.  Our needs have to be met. If not, we suffer, not just emotionally but physically. So you can't search for something “out there” for too long while neglecting the here and now.  For a time you can, but not forever.  The “here” warrants attention.

417.  Past

Principles

Living

Comfort   

My good friend R has pancreatic cancer.  Is this a case of bad things happening to good people?  Or, as my friend Rick said, “we are all responsible for our own actions and there is a reason for everything?”  Karma also can decide this.  If the latter, how tough can we be?  We all have blind spots which can come out of nowhere to surprise us.  Maybe there is some minor comfort in the saying “there is a reason for everything.”

416.  Past

Principles

Economics

Hard to simplify

One can't live a simple existence anymore.  I remember one time in Oregon I went up upon a mountain in an RV planning to be alone for a time.  Local ranchers came by to check me out, helicopters flew over to have a visual of me, and chipmunks always made their presence felt.  So much for solitude.

The maintenance on my condominium is high.  To move to another condominium without guards at the entrance would mean being around noise.  Dogs, boyfriends, kids would be all over.  I'd be living with loose end people so I stay where I'm at, in an adult community, where restrictions abound but keep chaos at a minimum.

How about simply moving into a mobile home, unattached to neighbors, as simple a structure as is around?  However, it's totally vulnerable to hurricanes which we get in Florida.  It's vulnerable to theft and druggies may become your neighbors.

It's hard to simplify today.  You are stuck wherever you are at.

415.  Past

Principles

Metaphysics

Systems fracture

There is no such thing as one complete system that works.  For a time it will seem as if one system can work, but eventually there will be a flaw, then two, then three and on and on until it fractures.  This is the nature of existence.  All reasoning, understanding, and paradigms follow this principle.

414.  Past

Theology

Living

Real road versus the high road

Again the dilemma, does one lead a spiritual life or just live life?  The spiritual life can lead to hypocrisy, phoniness, and can just force the issues.  Plus you can miss out on many of life’s experiences.

Living, accepting life as it is, not forcing standards onto life that are unsupportable seems more workable.  What's so wrong with a little flirting, or a little gossip?  It releases tension and stress.  Sometimes hearing what another person’s misfortunes are does make us feel better.  So taking the high road isn't always the best road.

On the other hand, we have to keep the “high road” in mind.  It sets a standard, even if too rigid a one.  Okay you might ask, is the “high road” just conditioning from our past, our upbringing, our parents and institutions?  Is it just programming? Yes, a large part of it might be. Some would argue our life purpose is to deprogram ourselves.

Still, some of these standards might be written into us before we even were.  They might be part of our original structure, not just added on as we go along.  So we have to be careful what we throw away.

We have our hands full.  There's a lot of searching to do.

413.  Past

Principles

Voids

Voids   

Closeness to God doesn't replace the voids in your life. You still live here on earth and your needs have to be met here on earth.   They still have to be filled and made to work, with or without God, at least in the short term.

412. 

Spirit

Another question

Is life reaching upwards towards what is above and finding and refining better and better ways to do it or is it more of a gradual letting go and a dissolving action until all that's left is what is true?

411.  Past

Principles

Psychology 

Elongation

We would like to think our angers, resentments, rages dissipate with age and understanding.  After wrestling with their numerous causes, meditating on them, and having spiritual insights and realizations, one would think one was beyond such basic emotions.  On to the next level is what we think.  Not necessarily so, not necessarily so.

When we are threatened, or caught in a new trap, or violated, these emotions return on various levels.  Even forgiveness, often seen as the cure for anger, is difficult when the disease or anguish we have continues to go unabated.  Worse, as life strips illusions away, we are left with the reality of our unveiled situation and it is not often pleasant. In advanced years we see  nakedly and bluntly.    What has violated us has also stained us and is not easily eradicated. 

A good description is the reactions have become elongated.  Long periods of time can  pass by without a particular anger triggered.  We might even think it is gone.  But when receiving the violation again, albeit from a parent or their memory or a sibling or a friend or a bureaucracy or anything, we find the same responses have not left.  They have become like a long sword, thin and stretched out, but still reaching down and touching our insides.

The other night when not feeling physically well and feeling various pressures I found I was telling off various close people in my life for the umpteenth time.  My God, nothing had changed.  I was still angry and mad.  When I recovered and had some perspective I was less harsh on  myself.  We might not change but our awareness and subsequent acceptance of all aspects of ourselves broadens.   Perhaps what changes is our acceptance of all facets of ourselves which could be worse than we thought, along with accepting our potential growing realizations and truths.  Such a mix.

I recall hearing, as I was not present, when my mom was passing and she was full of meds and pain and tubes and discomfort and her sanity was questionable, she expressed rage towards my father and sister, calling them names like 'stupid and cursing and more.'    It was hard to hear about, probably harder to be there.  Maybe there was some truth behind her words.   After all, the net result of all the efforts of those around her led to this horrible final experience.  What was left for her but brutal honesty? Doctors, family, even her own self could not excuse or cover anything up anymore.  Often they just wanted to appear guiltless.  The reality is she had trusted various people and institutions and behind that certain ideas and the result was suffering.  So a demented anger honestly  expressed itself.

The whole thing is humbling.  We are not in control.  Maybe my mom's final outrage was a lesson for us all.  Our deep seated violations and scars stay with us until the grave.  They are long, very long and last til our end.   It is a vanity and arrogant to think we can control these underlying currents.  Are any of us really better than my mom?  Can anyone say that won't be them.?  All we can do is become more cognizant of the whole picture.  Truth is a long dagger into our guts.  Somehow, even though unpleasant and only understood in small doses, good can emerge from this, even if just to know we are not in charge and something bigger than us is working itself out. 

410.

Wrestling with an angel

409.  Past


Wrestling with an angel

When your saw him with his family
and he seemed too right,
or too wrong,
you knew something was wrong.

When you saw him in school
and at first he was not trying at all
and later tried too hard
you thought he was off balance.

When you saw him at work 
and his mind was somewhere else
you thought he just didn’t have it.

When you saw him mid-life
and his dress was not quite right
and his car a little ragged,
you sensed he had not kept up.

What you didn’t see
while you held him under scrutiny
was that he had been wrestling with an angel
all along
and while he often appeared to be losing
the prize was closer than ever.