What happened to understanding?
This morning I awoke to a busy mind with colliding pulls and vectors clashing within, I awaited for some unifying force to overtake me, whether from above, or my own reason, or just a spark of energy. Too much time was spent waiting so still unresolved I up arose before the morning moved on. Then I recalled this has been the case for a few mornings. My brain didn't want to go through the machinations of working out an inner harmony. It required too much effort, but more importantly felt wrong. A revelation, a special insight, a new understanding seemed too hard.
What seemed right was just performing some morning rituals, both for health and spirit without thinking too much. The body and emotions seemed not able to take the pounding inner focusing and struggle entailed. Something else was needed. I understood the value of traditional religions having preset rituals. Without too much analysis, just by performing certain rituals you were doing good without having to self actualize every minute. Seemed easier. The body and mind and spirit had taken a beating over the years and needed comfort in tradition and habit, not more strain.
Without knowing many rituals, I did a brief one and got up. It was not important I understand from A to Z my soul's purpose. I just had to get the day started. Of course this could change tomorrow or be an ongoing trend. I learned not to be too attached to my conclusions, at least some of them. And so I was able to begin the day.