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At work

10/25/2014

229. Past

Below is an early drawing of this period (02') with one of two accompanying poems from the
new book "Moments." The drawing reflects working from memory while occasionally referencing nature. It is one of 16 drawings during this early period that is personal in nature.
Sixteen moments from life were captured with drawings and poetry that delve into
my life at the time. The book will be in material section soon. It will bring closure to a series of three books completing the past.

At Work

At work

Personal

At work 2

At work he sat and thought about everything.
He would like to be more active,
but in which direction was not clear.
Some time had to be spent
to find out what his original instincts were,
his basic likes and dislikes.
Some interests had been discovered
but more time was needed to develop them
and to see if they were worthy of more effort.
He had to handle the pressures of life
while at the same time giving something
new in him time to emerge.
During this time he had to stay healthy,
once in a while take a break on the beach,
or a cup of tea at a café,
to keep his mind and body together
while he was gathering evidence
to get something together
for a final push.

2 Comments

Free market versus government control

10/25/2014

4 Comments

228. Past

Principles

Economics

Free market versus government control

Which is it, government control or the free market? If we had a mini government, (the libertarians dream), how would we look? Would economics and life reach a natural equilibrium similar to an aquarium? Would human nature balance itself out? Would the natural tendencies towards greed and cruelty be balanced by mercy and help? Would it be “one man under God” with nothing in-between or just “man alone?” Would the irresponsible balance the responsible? Or, do we need enlightened individuals to pull this off? All these are considerations without a big government.

Without big government would we go back to the garment industry with children working 16 hour days? Would predatory capitalism, monopolies, control and betray the country in quest for becoming multinational? What happens to our country? Some say the rise of multinationals has been helped by big government and that they are in bed together. Perhaps. Without government would this be curtailed? Would a human scale economy, and market place flourish? Could a supply and demand market place be enough and keep a flourishing middle class?

Or, without government control, would lack of protection encourage gangs that turn into feudal warring tribes destabilize the market place? Profits and corruption replace choice and safety. These questions along with others should be asked.

My instincts are these. The free market place has gone too far. The scale is too large. The ingrained corruption and control are too deep for it be healthy. Government, on the other hand, has controlled too many areas of our life and has made itself and life a giant mush. There is no answer. It is beyond comprehension. One just has to “let it go.”

4 Comments

Dad listened to me

10/25/2014

2 Comments

227. Past

My family

Dad

Dad listened to me

On a Saturday morning the day after my mom's funeral I had a breakthrough with my dad. As of late he has become at times very stubborn and “impossible” and would not listen to any advice or correction. My mom's passing softened his manners but he still needed control. He played up to and pleased outsiders but my sister Gail and I received the brunt of his authoritarianism. It was hard to help him sometimes. Sitting on the couch this morning he was quiet and sad looking. I asked him how he was and he answered that he was ambivalent. He said “he was with mom for 67 years and everything he did related to her. I guess we have to go on to maintain ourselves.”

I answered it is not enough to simply go on blindly. In a counseling tone rarely used I said you're going to have to mourn mom properly. If you eliminate yourself, her life and also her loss would not be fully appreciated. To do this requires you maintain yourself for a period of time. After this you have to see if her life and loss can carry over into your life. Can her light shine and open some door for you? Is there a new quality to be realized? Can her loss open some new door to understanding? As we said, she prepared us for when she would be gone. Now that she is gone, and we are free from nursing her ailing body, are we to see something previously unseen? Are we to voyage to some unknown realization?

This is your reason to maintain yourself and go on.

He said it is important to go on for me and Gail. I agreed but the first two reasons come first. That is your base. Later we can be added. You have to have your own deep reasons to continue to live. He sat, took it all in, and this was a first for dad and I.
Thank you mom.

2 Comments

Belief 3

10/25/2014

2 Comments

226.

Spiritual

Belief in a maker

Belief 3

You thought you were a team.
You thought you were a co-creator.
You thought a special destiny was yours.
You thought things would all work out
and all instincts and impulses were blessed
and a special harmony awaited.

Can you still believe
when all this seems not to be?

2 Comments

Gentle strength

10/13/2014

0 Comments

224.

Spiritual

Spiritual living

Gentle strength

I read somewhere these two words 'gentle strength.' I forget the context but the words stayed and grew with me. After I read them I felt some relief. A gentle strength is exactly what I needed. Especially today. Too much strength obliterates too much. One has to pick and choose and not blindly overpower or dominate. Today if you are just strong how do you know you are going in the right direction? You might be strong but going against your nature. You might have to reverse your direction at a certain time. Your antennae needs to be out. You have to walk lightly. You have to listen to the winds. You have to be patient. Blind strength can't accomplish this. Stubborn strength ends up cracking and brittle. From point A you might bull your way to point E, but all you needed to get to was point C.

One has to hold back, be ready to shift gears on a dime, listen to slight changes in tone. Strength is not enough for this. While you are going one way you have to be aware of other ways. So it is not so much that one is strong, but one has to continue firmly, while having an undercurrent, a common denominator beneath all that you do, that is gentle. This is the strength, the gentle strength.

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Humor

10/13/2014

0 Comments

223. Past

Principles

Living and life

Humor

One can see others, for their mistakes and foolery. My friend S has root canals and is getting another one. I presented her with arguments against getting a root canal. Some say it eventually leads to serious disease. She already has a condition. She still is going ahead. So, she will eventually pay. But, but, we all make mistakes. So we all end up fools, making mistakes, and maybe losing. Right or wrong loses. So humor appears and we all get to laugh at ourselves. We plan, God laughs. So humor and laughing at ourselves can be a way of viewing our faults, with some sensitivity and levity.

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Longer and shorter writings

10/13/2014

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222. Past

Approach to writing

Longer and shorter writings

Sometimes my longer writings are less clear then my shorter ones because I am struggling for clarity and hence not as concise.

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Thinking of Tom

10/13/2014

0 Comments

221. Past

Past

Thinking of Tom

As a youth I was a raw nerve. I would lunge at or into things. I didn’t grow into things gradually. Some interests grew unnoticed, but the tsunamis of various surrounding forces fostered a do or die mentality.

Tom was a classmate. Slightly less than medium height, nicely put together, in his own orbit he seemed to evolve and actually learn from his experiences. I used to wear black jeans and Converse sneakers because he did. He dressed stylishly, had an early sense of his own presence, was competitive and could be cruel with his words. Many were hurt by him and his influence. Others followed him and got shipwrecked.

Where I always got caught up in ideals, principles, and purity, Tom just went through life. He actually grew from it. He seemed to live. In a sense it was the Jewish ideal. Life is to be participated in, not run from. High school, which made many of us unhappy, he used to his own advantage.

I'm sure having a family with enough money and 3 brothers helped him. He played the guitar, wrote songs, had some very early successes, but eventually went back to school, became a lawyer, and a movie mogul in Hollywood. I can't speak for his inner workings, but on the surface he had a good life.

In my youth what seemed overwhelming to me I forced myself to do, and then I wore out. Somehow Tom was able to use things for his betterment. He navigated New York while it pounded most of us. He managed to keep his direction and stayed on course.

He “kind of” lived, I “kind of” observed. Now it seems as if I missed the boat. Still, the final chapter in not written. There are intangibles to my searching and wondering and wandering, but occasionally when in doubt (I'm sure I'm not alone) I think of Tom and envy his “seemingly successful life.”

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In the morning

10/12/2014

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The times

10/1/2014

4 Comments

219. Past

Culmination

The times

A man who I listened to over the radio who often talked about economics and about precious metals came down with the flu. He was breaking down fairly often. Everyone seems sick. It's as if the maker is purposefully letting people weaken.

The times do seem to be full of warnings. Tsunamis, earthquakes, hurricanes, storms, all appear like warnings and signals.

In all circles, both religious and scientific, these happenings are discussed. Even so, it is important for me to state it.

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Steven B. Nussdorf records his lifelong search to find meaning outside of the normal channels. He uses writing, poetry, and drawing to document this effort.

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