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Ed

5/27/2014

 
161.




Spiritual living



Ed

My new neighbor and his new wife invited me over to look at a suede foldout couch.  If I wanted it I could have it.  Then Ed gave to me a small blue speckled attractive pottery bowl he had made and signed.  I accepted and told Ed I heard he would be running a campaign for a candidate for the Attorney General for New York State.  Ed said that was true and it was a sixth month gig.

I then said it must feel good to be asked and needed and respected.  Down in Florida there is a leveling influence, just look at the lines at Walmart.  Ed agreed.  It was good to feel significant.  I said growing up in New York it was all about winners and losers, no middle ground there.  Ed added however, that in looking back at his career in politics, although winning was better, both winning and losing lose significance with time.

I then recalled the battles I've  had in the past, some won, some lost.  Now the players in these battles are all offstage.  Even though the conflicts at the time caused much pain, I wasn't ready to have them fade into insignificance.  They were, after all, life.  They formed my present opinions, and I still needed them as fuel for motivation.  But again, as with an old oil painting, they were gradually fading.

Then  Ed said politics and history are determined by those who write it.  Even if you lose you can make it seem as if you've won.

I then said it really is all an 'illusion' after all, isn't it?  Ed and his wife agreed. I thought to myself I wasn't ready to let go of the illusion.  Even though illusions have been hurtful, to just have them fade seems like an anticlimax.  Isn't there some meaning to the struggle and battles we have here?  Isn't there a right and wrong somewhere within these conflicts.  I was threatened by the overall journey of moving beyond them, even though it felt firmer and lighter.  I felt I hadn't fully resolved things, at least enough to let them go.  There were still things to be done. 

Anyhow, to still do what we do with intensity as we gracefully submit to letting go seems to be the dance we need to dance.






Tom DiSpigno
5/27/2014 07:48:21 am

Point is well taken. During my working life I was always reminded by others how important I was even though I never felt that way. Was only doing my job. Today that period in my life is just a fading memory, not missed at all! Certainly an illusion.

steven
5/28/2014 05:11:09 am

all your years of experience and reaching a similar conclusion. sobering. It was a tale told by a fool. You finished your tale, so now you are free of it. I didn't, so my tale persists. What we have in common is acceptance.
nice comment.

tom
5/29/2014 11:50:36 pm

Maya Angelou........"History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, and if faced with courage, need not be lived again."

This was read at Bill Clinton's inauguration....

Good thought.....her opinion, but one has to have the ability to not get emotional about past, disturbing experiences.

Tom

steven
5/29/2014 11:52:07 pm

hey tom,

interesting made me think. true, we have traumas from the past that have imprinted us. don't really leave the system. words like courage don't always go deep enough.


tom
5/30/2014 09:31:05 am

Yes, Steve the past could be haunting if one doesn't know how to let go. Question, how to learn that skill

steven
5/30/2014 09:33:33 am

yes haunting. well, there's awareness, understanding which releases the tension of it. there's meditation and relaxation techniques which might detach from the impact. there's toys, money, fun, to forget about it. there are the psychologies. there are hobbies, passions to move on from it. there's food, sex etc to escape.




yet, when we are reduced and fearful and the terror is there, there is almost nothing to protect oneself with. one becomes ones true state, a scared frightened babe in the woods.



Comments are closed.

    Steven B. Nussdorf records his lifelong search to find meaning outside of the normal channels.  He  uses writing, poetry, and drawing to document this effort.

    Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.

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