My new neighbor and his new wife invited me over to look at a suede foldout couch. If I wanted it I could have it. Then Ed gave to me a small blue speckled attractive pottery bowl he had made and signed. I accepted and told Ed I heard he would be running a campaign for a candidate for the Attorney General for New York State. Ed said that was true and it was a sixth month gig.
I then said it must feel good to be asked and needed and respected. Down in Florida there is a leveling influence, just look at the lines at Walmart. Ed agreed. It was good to feel significant. I said growing up in New York it was all about winners and losers, no middle ground there. Ed added however, that in looking back at his career in politics, although winning was better, both winning and losing lose significance with time.
I then recalled the battles I've had in the past, some won, some lost. Now the players in these battles are all offstage. Even though the conflicts at the time caused much pain, I wasn't ready to have them fade into insignificance. They were, after all, life. They formed my present opinions, and I still needed them as fuel for motivation. But again, as with an old oil painting, they were gradually fading.
Then Ed said politics and history are determined by those who write it. Even if you lose you can make it seem as if you've won.
I then said it really is all an 'illusion' after all, isn't it? Ed and his wife agreed. I thought to myself I wasn't ready to let go of the illusion. Even though illusions have been hurtful, to just have them fade seems like an anticlimax. Isn't there some meaning to the struggle and battles we have here? Isn't there a right and wrong somewhere within these conflicts. I was threatened by the overall journey of moving beyond them, even though it felt firmer and lighter. I felt I hadn't fully resolved things, at least enough to let them go. There were still things to be done.
Anyhow, to still do what we do with intensity as we gracefully submit to letting go seems to be the dance we need to dance.