474. Past
Observations
Looking at the world
(Accompanies above drawing)
I recall once before twenty and once a few years after having flashes that the world could not continue for long. It was as if I was looking out the window at square brick buildings, everything shaded in gray, and saw that the energy of the people was wrong, that something was definitely missing, and I new instinctively this could not go on for long. Both were pure unadulterated visions.
Later there was talk, TV, studies, books, all about the Christian perspective, the Jewish perspective, the New Age spiritual perspective, the American Indian perspective, the economical, political and social perspective, the sociological perspective and the psychological perspective. All pointed to things getting worse in one way or another. All contained some truth, along with some dogma, often hard to separate.
Then life became more internal. There was understanding the workings of the mind, of the body, and of the spirit. Afterwards, insides intact, I reached out to the world and played in some of its games. Life had to be lived, needs had to be met, and curiosities had to be satisfied. The cup had to be filled.
Then, having tasted experience, it was time to look at the world again. There was to be no b.s. during this final look. Preconceptions, personal agendas, learned rhetoric, all had to be dropped. What was seen confirmed the visions I had around twenty. Mainly, the world can’t go on much longer as it is. There are no real solutions to anything. The underlying structure to existence itself is cracking while the surface is held together with band-aids and perfume. Amidst this panorama can be detected and felt a subtle and almost imperceptible pull to reach for something more, to what is above and beyond, to what can and will survive this madness. It is the only opening. It is the only hope.
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