No more five year plans
At a certain point in life awareness of death sets in. You fight to stay alive still, but part of you desires relief from the struggle. It is not that much of a stretch to understand how under certain living conditions a desire for a way out, even a desire for death becomes a part of you.
For a long time there were five year plans consisting of a beginning, middle, an end, all leading to a next step. In reality intense efforts lasted less time, leaving the rest of the time for recovery and regrouping.
Now I'm older, and there are no more five year plans. No more “I'll try this for five years and if it doesn't work out I'll try that for the next five years.” At this point five more years is not a sure thing. Whatever you do now is for the now, not for the future. It has to make sense in the present. Anything else is a bonus.