89. Past
Reason for writing
Various reasons 3
If I reach others and they confirm what I suspect, then all these years have
not been for naught. At some point I needed meaning and proper training
and this was not obtained. I would never be as good as I could have
been. Youth and energy were lost. What replaced it was just a quest
for meaning which took decades. Expression in the arts was on hold.
Living a life was on hold. All for the cause of learning to listen for
what is true.
After concluding I have done all I could do, and strongly suspecting I
reached a meaningful shore, art and writing have returned, and a chance to
connect with others who have felt strange also is there. If my efforts
expand and are fed, it can be a sign this whole time was not for naught.
There would be a story to the whole thing, the pain, the search, the
reward. If this doesn’t expand and flower, I will still be left with
meaning, but the story would be of my own making, a vanity, an illusion.
Leonardo to paraphrase once said it is sad when concept outstrips
performance. He is observing the laws correctly. However, having
waited for the right concept to pursue, and put everything else on hold, I
wonder if this is the exception. The hope is that concept, once found, can
overcome simply because it is right. This is a reason why this work is
being done, to see if this is so.
Reason for writing
Various reasons 3
If I reach others and they confirm what I suspect, then all these years have
not been for naught. At some point I needed meaning and proper training
and this was not obtained. I would never be as good as I could have
been. Youth and energy were lost. What replaced it was just a quest
for meaning which took decades. Expression in the arts was on hold.
Living a life was on hold. All for the cause of learning to listen for
what is true.
After concluding I have done all I could do, and strongly suspecting I
reached a meaningful shore, art and writing have returned, and a chance to
connect with others who have felt strange also is there. If my efforts
expand and are fed, it can be a sign this whole time was not for naught.
There would be a story to the whole thing, the pain, the search, the
reward. If this doesn’t expand and flower, I will still be left with
meaning, but the story would be of my own making, a vanity, an illusion.
Leonardo to paraphrase once said it is sad when concept outstrips
performance. He is observing the laws correctly. However, having
waited for the right concept to pursue, and put everything else on hold, I
wonder if this is the exception. The hope is that concept, once found, can
overcome simply because it is right. This is a reason why this work is
being done, to see if this is so.
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