211. Past
Past
Three time frames
There is a time frame to my past, although it is not written in stone. It seemed for about 20 years until age 38 I was searching for truth, answers, and sense.
At around 38, when everything was bleak and I wasn't doing well, a couple of things occurred. Waking up at 3 am in need, I appealed to a God, for a confirmation that there was a God and that if I was meant to live, survive, I needed help.
Secondly, I tried meditating in a form similar to the way the ancient Hebrews did. I had often meditated before, and it was useful and helpful, but never received deep answers. During this meditation I did. All seemed dark and helpless when suddenly a point of light appeared. I observed that when I was in this light my anguish wasn't there. I knew I had to hold onto and stay in this light. Truly, the light was separated from the dark and when I was in the light I was not in the dark.
For another 20 or so years this meditation was part of the fabric of my life. Now, after the first 20 years of searching and then the next 20 years of meditating, a new phase is emerging. My early life, before these 40 years, is reappearing. It is not fully clear. Perhaps there is a full circle being completed. I am coming back to my roots, my basic makeup for a final look. The perspective and experience from this last 40 years is the added ingredient. Perhaps I have finished the phase of moving forward, and cleaning out the past is the next step.
Past
Three time frames
There is a time frame to my past, although it is not written in stone. It seemed for about 20 years until age 38 I was searching for truth, answers, and sense.
At around 38, when everything was bleak and I wasn't doing well, a couple of things occurred. Waking up at 3 am in need, I appealed to a God, for a confirmation that there was a God and that if I was meant to live, survive, I needed help.
Secondly, I tried meditating in a form similar to the way the ancient Hebrews did. I had often meditated before, and it was useful and helpful, but never received deep answers. During this meditation I did. All seemed dark and helpless when suddenly a point of light appeared. I observed that when I was in this light my anguish wasn't there. I knew I had to hold onto and stay in this light. Truly, the light was separated from the dark and when I was in the light I was not in the dark.
For another 20 or so years this meditation was part of the fabric of my life. Now, after the first 20 years of searching and then the next 20 years of meditating, a new phase is emerging. My early life, before these 40 years, is reappearing. It is not fully clear. Perhaps there is a full circle being completed. I am coming back to my roots, my basic makeup for a final look. The perspective and experience from this last 40 years is the added ingredient. Perhaps I have finished the phase of moving forward, and cleaning out the past is the next step.
RSS Feed
