Though they abandon me II.
I read in Psalm 27 by the biblical David the lines:
Though my father and mother abandon me,
Adonai will gather me in.
Of course in the backs of our minds is the Commandment “Honor the father and mother,” which is true. To do so for some of us means taking a wider swipe at it than we ever thought. Yes, the biggest vision is full of love and acceptance and reconciliation. This doesn't mean you can just hop there just like that. It might be something you have to tuck away in a safety deposit box to be opened at the very end. In the meantime your checking account is what you have to deal with day to day and that's all about a balance sheet of deposits and withdrawals. If the latter is overdone you have to be honest about that and find the leak.
The same is true for parents. Often we think we found the leaks and plugged them up but there was another leak, or the original leak wasn't really fixed properly. To do so might be a big job, a huge job. It might be easier to move to a new house.
With parents you just can't replace them like a new house. You might have to tolerate the leak for longer than you'd like, or at least put up with the moisture. However, mold can develop which affects your health. Years might go by without this being detected. You managed but your immune system is compromised, hurting. Your parent's have affected your health in ways you couldn't imagine. The popular 'forgive and forget' doesn't work because your hurt is a constant reminder. As the years go by you realize when younger you couldn't even admit how you much you were hurt. It 's much deeper than you thought.
Finally, as you get old and your parents are really old you expect a grand finalee of unity and forgiveness. What can be more conducive to this than the sickness and the end of life approaching for the parent? Plus you face your own approaching end. It's not turning out as you thought. You had a script for the whole thing. It was even biblical. Everything had its place, the pieces all fit, the family was completed and healed.
Not necessarily so for many of us. Not so, not so. As with mold, you might not be able to be around it or live with it. Your immune system became too compromised. You are more affected than you thought. How can this be, it is near the end? But it is, and you have to distance yourself from the mold, from you parents, even at the sad end. The wounds were deeper than you thought. The cold truth colder than you could have conceived. But you can't deny it. You see it after all these years which is good and it has to be acknowledged. So you are left with seeing the depth of what took place. You also have to distance yourself from what is taking place. Why? Because to do elsewise is to condone it which is wrong. It denies you own story. Once again you have to stand alone in non-violent protest. You are a witness.
If he was real, David saw this. It's not easy or pretty. He sought Adonai. If you believe you have to also. If you don't, you'll have to get peace somehow from somewhere. In the meantime as I age this all is a surprise to me. To live on I too have to make peace somehow with it. I have to go to God. Somehow, in the distance, faintly seen, is still love for them, betrayal or not. Only from a distance can this be felt, hinted at, seen with the proper hue.
If this makes some sense to you, and you know from where it comes, I honor your struggle, acknowledge it and pay homage to your life. There is a dry feeling to this whole thing, like an ex-alcoholic sobering up. At least it's not just you. At least it doesn't cut you off from love.