For These Times
  • Home Page
  • Writings Past and Present
  • The Cohanan (dad)
  • Relating Upwards
  • Picture Archive
  • Video Links
  • About This Site
  • Materials
  • Contact

The fourth anniversary

10/1/2014

0 Comments

 
218.

My family

mom/dad

The fourth anniversary

Dad called me on this fourth anniversary of my mom's passing. On the Jewish calendar a candle is lit, called a Yahrzeit candle, a couple of weeks later.  The Jewish people insert a month which changes the time span.  Today he called as  arranged and he described her unpleasant and maybe unjust passing in the hospital, then talked about some of her accomplishments in life, and then quoted a yiddish expression which said 'death is blessed when there is much pain.'

He then said "In religious terms it is better that she is with God."  Now my father rarely refers to God directly.  As a youth he studied to be a rabbi but later switched into psychology.  The realm of human interaction and personal relationships became his world.  Life consisted of how one perceived reality and all was relative.  Perhaps even needing God could be perceived as an individual need or preference.

Married to my mom for 67 years, needless to say her passing left a void.  During these last four years he would say he feels her presence and would say she is with us.  Even he needed another dimension to survive.  Rarely would he mention a God but this time, albeit with a qualifier, he did.

At other times my father would say Kaddish, the Jewish prayer for the dead.  He was well versed in Jewish ritual.  And then something became clear to me.  Even if we know there is something more, it is hard to acknowledge it.  Often we have been hurt by life and scars don't go away easily.  If we haven't become victims, we become pragmatists and realists and confident and competent. We were hurt once or more when we had our guard down and were defenseless.   Hence we are weary and leary of giving up control.

Ritual, or protocal, or traditions act as a buffer and allude to what is above without direct contact.  How often can we tolerate direct contact?  Who can face the burning bush?  There is nothing to hide behind.  There is no shield for our hurts.  Our long fought for integrity and detachment and objectivity is threatened.  So ritual, along with other behavior, acts as a go between. In thinking about it, there really are in life many other go betweens, subtleties, and shields that act as a screen.  Even little white lies shield us from what may be too blunt and cruel even if true.

As such I cannot judge it.  It is part of this world reminding me with all its intricacy how perfect the whole design is.  One can allude to God with a buffer, or occassionally make contact directly, or operate on a thousand other nuanced levels.  It depends upon where you are at, no step necessarily better than another, all requiring just what is necessary for however short or long.  In its own way for one moment ( despite how I felt inside and how I saw the world)  I was reminded just how perfect the whole thing is.  










0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Steven B. Nussdorf records his lifelong search to find meaning outside of the normal channels.  He  uses writing, poetry, and drawing to document this effort.

    Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.

    Archives

    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013


    All
    Age Aging
    Aging
    Appeals
    Approach To Writing
    Art
    Belief
    Belief And Doubt
    Change
    Community
    Contradiction
    Culmination
    Dad
    Dad's Passing
    Death
    Dreams
    Economics
    Entropy
    Environment
    Family
    Florida
    Friends And Acquaintances
    God
    Golden Mean
    Health
    Help
    Intro
    Lamentations
    Law Of Reconciliation
    Leading
    Learning
    Life
    Living
    Man/woman
    Meditation
    Memory
    Metaphysics
    Mom
    Nature
    New York
    Observations
    Parents
    Patterns
    Personal
    Philosophy
    Play
    Prayer
    Premise
    Principles
    Prophecy
    Prupose
    Psychology
    Purity
    Reaching Out
    Realms
    Reason
    Reconciliation Law
    Relating
    Religion
    Right And Wrong
    Ritual
    Spirit
    Spiritual Living
    Stands
    Statement
    Systems
    Takes
    Talmud
    The
    Theology
    Theory Of Compensation
    Thinking
    Truth
    Understanding
    Universe
    Vectors And Forces
    Vignettes
    Voids
    Who For
    Wisdom
    Word
    Work

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.