I’m writing for those of you who, like me, have spent a lifetime trying to figure things out. It seems as if we had no choice. The institutions, both religious and secular, were so big and impersonal. They had their own agendas. We were alone in our search and often didn’t even know it, or couldn’t admit to it. The implications were too large. Friends and family rarely understood what we were after, at least not until many bridges were crossed.
At times it seems as if some of us were handpicked for this special search. At other times, the wisdom and truth seems to be equally spread out. Gems come from all people. There is no clear answer to this.
Surprisingly, when many years have gone by, and age becomes a reality, the insights, truths, perspectives previously arrived at seem almost superfluous, a waste of time, a mere game that had to be played out. Was the search a stage that had to be outgrown, a skin that had to be shed? Was this just a long preamble before we realized life was just life, to be lived, with no preconceived notions and no firm answers? Was life just unexplainable?
Perhaps so. The quest for psychological, spiritual, metaphysical and religious truths dissipates with time. Survival, our basic needs, our basic wants trump everything. Searching almost seems childish. Sometimes just talking about the “bigger picture” feels awkward and out of place. There is really nothing to say. Just live out your life and try to get what you can out of it. This is the common solution.
But is it enough? Is there an underlying current that shouldn’t be ignored? Did the yearning for answers really have more value than a sophomoric term paper? I sense, but can’t prove, the answer is yes. It might be faint, maybe barely a memory, but again I sense it is real.