I was speaking on the phone to an acquaintance/friend who is somewhat sophisticated in the esoteric art of astrology. The conversation had to do with some of our similarities in our backgrounds reflected in what is called the 'north node.'
Let me digress and give an opinion on astrology. I am often suspect of it, and I don't invest total faith in it. However, often its descriptions seem somewhat close to reality, more so than just chance. Granted readings, no matter how accurate, are limited by the depth of the practitioner. Astrology is based on a flaw by claiming the earth is the center of the universe. It also makes no reference to a 'maker, an almighty.' So why do I give it credibility?
Well, as far as the latter, you can be a good electrician and still be an atheist. As per the former, a false premise does not negate the verity of what is built around it. Many truths surround a lie. Much of modern science is based on bad science premises, yet some accomplishments have been made, even if full potential was never reached. Further, in the metaphysical realm, if the world is an illusion, astrology remains an illusion that sometimes appears real.
Anyhow, my friend had an interesting and profound observation of our pasts. It actually stopped me in my tracts. I thought I had given enough time analyzing all realizations from my past. I had explored the psychological need to understand the roots of the problem and the spiritual need to forgive and free oneself from ongoing resentments that don't easily disappear. However, I was taken aback. I realized the effects of our pasts go deep, very deep. After all, they altered our true natures, altered our course of life, and allowed discordance to enter. It is not enough to say I understand, and I forgive and forget. The past is not a test to be passed and then to graduate into a beautiful human being. It is not necessarily only about moving forward. It might seem that way, but actually it is about returning to your original state and navigating obstacles that altered this. You had it, lost it, and have to figure out how.
When I heard what I heard I felt a release, which is a sign of recognition of comfort with some deep truth. so here it is. My friend said that we were born into a 'power struggle.' This explained so many things. It explained why my past was like a battle from the beginning even until the present. If one replays the scenario from one's past, then this is why. Of course this is somewhat universal, but in particular defined my past. Family members can be nice, even loving, but still out for their own importance, their own power. Human attributes can be added, such as kindness, charm, sacrifice and so on, but with core dynamics being the seeking of power. In such an environment one can never fully trust nor rest.