Our little kingdoms
Sometimes all we have are our little kingdoms. Some of us become kings and some of us imagine we're kings. Some of us are kings for a day. Yes, it's our egos, our sense of specialness, and our arrogance. You were right Shakespeare, all is vanity.
But what else can we do here? We compensate, we compete, we strive and toil for some territory that is ours. We bloom and flutter and will ourselves to fly.
For those of us who never fulfilled their dreams, or never even found the right dream, how can we let that go? We can't say 'been there, done that.' We still cling to the hope of finding it and are attached to the search.
And then at some point we realize there is a maker, an above, a God. We realize what we have wanted and pursued is not all there is. So we try to relate to God. This seems to fill our needs, at least for the moment.
Our dreams, though, are still there or at least return. If we achieved them why should we have to let them go? If we are still seeking them, why should we have to stop?
We want our moment of 'being all there is.' We want to be the king. What is so wrong with that? It is all we have. And yet it is doomed. We are set up to fail. Is this fair? Time and nature eventually destroy all we were and are. Can't we flutter like a peacock for a time? And why just for a time, why not longer?
But God trumps everything, and all knowledge and wisdom and truth lies in his hands. But at times this seems so unfair. Everything here is so unique and once in a time and fleeting. Is it so wrong to try to preserve it, memorialize it, and glorify it? It is our world.
Does God go through what we go through? Does he know what it is to live here not being sure of anything? All we might have is our self appointed 'greatness.'
I have no sweet end to this. There is no resolution. It just hurts to see this. Right now there is no easy comfort. I want to preserve my illusions and it seems I can't. I contend with he who made me.