Living and life
Lisa hit it
Ah, I let too much time go by and the exchange is not fresh in my mind. But I want to honor that moment as I said I would. Lisa Edelman from the UK, a Facebook friend, often will report on important doings, such as a spider being caught in her hair. When others posted pictures of various spiders, I said we could start a model agency and Lisa was all 'go' on that.
Other times we might message one another and venture into more personal turf. This one time Lisa asked me how I was and I alluded to some frustrations I had. My dad's blood pressure was 184 and the implications worried me. I was not ready to lose him. I also felt the weight of living alone and having to always watch my back. The tribe was long gone. The bravura of going it alone was isolating. Joining any group just to be around others was so compromising. And everything was money and in your face about it. How to live was always a question. I could not sacrifice a bull as in the Torah. Well, maybe symbolically.
I had gone to a doctor to have my blood test interpreted and my numbers were great, as good as can get. That was good news, and the doctor and his nurse and I gloated a bit. I didn't allude to the sinus head pressure I often felt as I did then, as it would be a buzz killer. Why should I ruin the mood?
Of course I'm being a little glib here. The issues and resentments run deeper. I did not have the strength to search for a spiritual answer. If the above wanted to reach me I was here but in no mood for any illusions.
So,, without going into detail, in a few lines I hinted at all this when asked by Lisa Edelman how I was. She replied, "Yes, I know what it's like when faced with our limitations and horror." Lisa called it and didn't shy away from doing so. Let's take a moment to honor that or just a deep breath.
I just sat and let her words seep in. I didn't force a solution. Sometimes that's all you should do. At the very least it was nice to know I was not alone. Sometimes a piercing observation is all we get.