'It's just tennis.'
Years ago I recall reading or hearing an interview with Andre Aggasi and he was being asked about his moodiness, or isolation, or not speaking to press, or something I don't remember. His character and actions were being questioned.
His answer to it all was 'It's just tennis.'
After all these years I find often my mood or feeling of well being depends on how I did with my art. I thought I could be more removed, detached, more zen about the whole thing at this point. I am not the results is my mantra. But art is a jealous beast and wants all of you even if you set limits. Definitely if I am struggling something feels wrong inside me. And if I do well I feel light hearted. Often if I have a good session, or a good fifteen minutes, or even a good thought about an approach or problem, I:ll leave the work just so I can feel good for a while. Sometimes I'll stay away for a day and savor it.
I wish it were different. I wish I could be 'cooler' about the whole thing. But part of maturity is acceptance of what is. If I was able to change these dynamics fundamentally a lot of things would be different. But I haven't been able to. So I accommodate, see it for what it is, and see myself for what I am.
It's just art.\