God's system and mine
My positions are hard. They are concepts and I need clarification on them. It's as if I'm driving to a certain destination and have to know what roads to take; I-95 or Military Trail? In art there is incompleteness, starts and stops, and I need unity, cohesion, one way to do it, one technique, one vision. But what I think I need and what I have are two different things. In reality I have conflicts and loose ends that are beyond my ability to unify.
So I petition God to help me, to resolve the conflicts, to turn duplicity into one. Or, to help me understand an approach that will pull it all together. I petition God and want a contract drawn.
Now God seems to be not fully concerned with my needs. Or rather they are not foremost. What seems to happen is he eases me out of whatever dilemma I have. It's like evaporating water. I'm attempting to direct the water routes to go here or there and he's evaporating the water itself.
I'm threatened by this because if the water evaporates I'll have nothing to work with and resolve. The waterways and where they lead become irrelevant. I fear I'll be left in a permanent state of betwixt and between and never reach a conclusion or arrive at a destination. Perhaps like Sisyphus I'll forever be starting over rolling the rock up the hill. Not funny.
Perhaps what God is leaning towards is meeting me half way with a workable solution. He helps me to see all the variable solutions and forms and approaches and combinations and accept them for what they are. This bigger view still doesn't have all the answers and remains hard to act upon, but it allows me to live with all the conflicts and inconsistencies. Plus the bigger vision might change into a still bigger vision, and bring a bigger understanding.
So God meets me where I am at. I can't just give up my water routes and have them evaporate. I still will spend time arranging them while some of the water evaporates. The good thing is that evaporation doesn't mean the water is lost forever. Some is, some escapes, but some comes back as rain or snow. Perhaps even as a gentle moisture that that settles in and engulfs the whole process and keeps it in a womb like comfort. This way there are less jolts and pressures and pulls and jerks. At least they are modified. As such, what seems irreconcilable and opposite and at odds becomes loosely connected within this overall atmosphere.
And so, it's how I think God meets me here amid my dead ends and incompleteness. My sanity is saved. It lets me work and continue and still be me, but helps me slowly evolve into a higher realm.