Are all our moves in life, no matter how small, of some importance? Are they watched and do they matter? Do they add up to something? Do they count? Do they have meaning?
Or, is life, life. It just happens. Stuff is thrown at you randomly and you just try to keep your balance no matter which way it shifts. Does life have its own life, regardless of what you believe or make of it? Does life has its own purpose beyond ours? We have our purpose but we live in life's house with its own purpose. Does it have its own game that we are just pieces in? There is a 'see what happens' element to it even if you believe there is a higher power in charge.
My dad used to say it's good to be aware. 'At least you are aware' he would say. He often wasn't aware that he was often unaware, but he valued awareness.
His last year in life was very unpleasant. It was not a peaceful passing. I'm sure he suffered unspoken pain and indignities. He got dismantled. He blurted out at one point 'I'm being punished.' He was tubed up, medicated up, cut up, and then it all stopped and the end was waited for. Where was awareness during all this suffering? Could one maintain such elevation to one's own condition at this point? Wasn't it a luxury now? Did his suffering come from not being aware enough? But how aware can we be, any of us? Wasn't he just one with his suffering, no room for any outside realm to exist within him? He couldn't talk and I couldn't ask but if I could ask I would say 'Are you able to be aware now?'