Comforting my friend (text)
In a moment of need I cried out for a friend, a companion, an equal, who would be there for me. No one ever met this need. At this point I could not go through life alone. To my surprise, I felt an unseen presence that was close and supportive. It was not from this realm, nor was it amorphous, but had intelligence. It felt like a friend. There was understanding, but beneath this understanding I sensed sorrow. Why sorrow? At first I was puzzled but then it became clear.
When existing in a timeless zone one does not know what it is to live within time, to experience its passing, to realize there is an end, to live with doubt. The closest to knowing this is through us and as a friend. Hence this presence felt like a friend and as a friend could get close and almost touch the experience. But as with everything in life and time, there is a price. This closeness allows for understanding us in an intimate way, be there with us, yet there is no vulnerability to what we are vulnerable to. As such, seeing us suffer causes suffering. Our laughs can be shared, our crying can be shared, but our termination here and our doubts can’t. And this causes pain, unspeakable pain. To watch someone you care for suffer and not to be able to do anything about it is not a good place to be.
So, having experienced my portion of pain and suffering in this life, I offered comfort to this presence, this friend, who sees what I go through and who hurts from what is seen. But it enlarges me too, that is to comfort my new friend who hurts when seeing me hurt, and to say it’s ok, I’m ok, and that it will all be ok.