I'm always reaching for a point, a destination to get to, something to finish. It can get tiring. Even planning to finish up and clean up and complete what has been started is engulfing. Even winding down takes a supreme effort.
One feels what ones does is never enough. Relief will come after you finish the next hurdle. It is always around the next corner. What I do is never enough.
I say this as I spend hours going through my scans, organizing files, bringing order and resolution to 18 years of an effort.
I then read something which is true, which resonated within, and rang some bells in my brain. Basically what was stated is that I have to recognize completion has already been achieved. One can relax. One can rest in this wholeness.
There is nothing one can do in this world that will be more than I already have. I don't have to run after things or achievements. They, all, have been achieved. If one believes there is a God, and there is truth in this, and there is love and fulfillment in this, and one is at home in this, why look for scraps when one has the whole meal? This is not mushy or feel good stuff. This is true. Awareness of a bigger force outside yourself is a big thing.
So the relationship with doing things changes. You are not doing and becoming more to climb up a ladder and then upon reaching the top rung look from the top and say 'ah, I have arrived, I am here and I can finally breathe.' Rather one is already there from just where you are at. True, the view might get better the higher up you go, but it is also pretty nice from where you are at.
So how does this translate into practical living, the day to day stuff? Well, nothing seemingly changes on the surface. You still might be on rung 3 of the ladder. However, you get a glimpse from time to time of the view from rung 15. Plus you can relax a little more at rung 3. There is no hurry and maybe things can slowly become a little more effortless.
Even if you got stuck at rung 3 and say you became sick and even lost your life. My God you say, so many loose ends would remain. Nothing would be finished. I'd leave a mess. But you know what, things would still get to where they have to get. The essence would still get done. You could still rest in completeness. It's not all on your shoulders.
We can continue on then, maybe with a little less pressure and not so one dimensional and from time to time feeling a little more relief.