On the Edge of the Bed
It went something like this. Different paradigms, or systems of how things work, converged on me that morning. All had credibility, made some sense, had a valid place in this universe. Yet they also contradicted one another. So much so that acting on one
cancelled another, the benefits of one path eliminating the benefits of another path, making movement itself an exercise in futility. Even deciding what to eat that morning wasn't clear, whether to start light with simple hot lemon tea or a hot oatmeal breakfast. Both made sense but I couldn't make any choices, both on the small and large issues of my life. All converged that morning on the edge of the bed, no pull was clear, no direction stood out, and so all one could do was be still.
Then it was as if I heard a silent voice say to me in a helpful tone "Steve, take a couple of deep breaths," then "Steve, straighten the bed," then "Steve, clean your teeth," then "wash yourself down." Later, there was more helpful prodding, such as "Steve, try some leg stretches" and then practical suggestions such as "Steve, call the bank about the $29 late payment charge." And later I heard again "Steve, calm down and take some deep breaths" and then "Steve, try to get a little drawing done" and midday "Steve, make a salad and use more onions than usual." At times the silent voice was replaced by my voice but when my voice was weak I heard its guidance again. This could all be wishful thinking or even delusional, but not necessarily. I remember hearing a true story of a man in a capsized boat feeling hopeless and trapped and then hearing a voice like a sergeant major pushing him to do what he had to do to save himself. So, that morning, when unable to move or budge, a silent voice became my helper, perhaps linking me to a presence that transcended my trials and doubts.
05/11/13 In part of email to old friend Maggie I wrote;
.............interesting, never can be sure, but as said felt some financial stress so was sitting outside kind of meditating and it was as if heard from the maker......."Steve, I know its impossible and doesn't add up, but I need you there." Illusion or real. If an illusion I'm another fool, but if not calmed me down and put things in perspective.
I understand what you experienced with getting a message from above. It happened to me when my mother was so ill. It's very real and the more you listen the more sense it makes.
Gotta go now. In the middle of a
project. Talk soon. M