Spiritual
Dream III
I saw the gates open
and floods of light
poured over our beings.
For These Times |
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679.
Spiritual Dream III I saw the gates open and floods of light poured over our beings.
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678.
Principles Death and dying Anger and dying My dad passed earlier this year and my mom about 8 years ago. On all levels a multiude of observations and reactions have hit me. One concerns anger and hostility during the last period of life itself. Outbursts and unpleasantries to say the least were verbalized by both parents. Even physical expressions of rage were observed. Of course other emotions were experienced and were part of the whole scenerio, but moments of hositlity emanating from my parents definetly had their place. Why so? The medical people, not without reason, saw such outbursts as symptons to be subdued and repressed, whether with physical restraint or through medications. The cause was not fully discussed nor understand by me. Perhaps the chemistry of the brain does get altered or is deprived of oxygen for brief periods of time. Still, why such periods of acting out? On the other hand, all emotions were experienced, docility and passivity too. I suspect the reason for rage has some roots in reality. There is anger over how one is dying versus how one should die. In each person's mind there is an ideal way to die, in one's bed surrounded by the familiar and a general consensus between mind and body and spirit from within that it is time to go. One wants to reach that point. Medications have altered this reality. They have prolonged life but also shortchanged the chance to have a natural end. When one realizes this it is too late. What is being done to you is against your will consciously or unconscioulsy and your protests go unnoticed. You might not even know what you want, but you want something more. Hence, the anger. You want to change things but are trapped, and your protests are seen as rebellion and symptomatic. To some extent you are a prisoner within the system you have participated in. You see the trap and can't do anything to change it. In bursts of anger you break through the medications and protest Inside your being knows something is wrong, and it implusively flairs up in rebellion. While this is not an exlsusive reason, I think there is truth to it. 677. Past
Vignettes Being mush I was talking to Dave, a man who did my scanning, as I often did in those days, about my stay in Laughlin, Nevada, located 100 miles near Las Vegas, Nevada. I had been out West for 5 years, traveling in a Toyota Chinook, learning the ins and outs of living out there. Wintering in Laughlin made sense. It was warmer, had places to park your RV, and there was work. It was also corrupt as hell, but that's another subject. Figuring I would winter there, some work made sense. Security seemed an avenue to try. You held some authority and it was not physically tiring. I went for an interview. What stands out in my memory was standing around in a circle with men and women and being asked questions and then being asked to dance. Basically they wanted to see if we were pliable, malleable, and bendable. Men trying to be men need not apply. For the low pay and the getting demeaned they wanted you to smile and take it. At the time, building my sense of self and integrity, I couldn't do it. Being mush didn't fit. 676.
Principles Living Should I have done that? Thinking back on something I did I wonder if I should have or not. It wasn't a pure act but seemed a needed one. I think of what else I could have done but that too falls short. I have no answer but know all will be ok whether right or wrong. 675. Past
Principles Life and death Embracing opposition It is better to be alive than dead. Often what we’ve sacrificed or fought for is not as important as we think. People will do what they do and better to be alive so you can do what you do. Sometimes, we have to embrace that which opposes us just to live, even if it appears wrong. However, if you are in an impossible situation, you do have the right to die rather than suffer through it. You don’t have to live at all costs. It’s just better if you do. It’s better to get through a situation and not get too involved with the right and wrong of it. The biggest perspective is that just being alive is the miracle, and the right and wrong of life is secondary. Many people do wrong, but without life they wouldn’t ever find out what wrong is. 674. Past
Principles Life Already alive I was speaking to a neighbor's son in his 30''s whose 67 year old dad had fallen a few weeks ago and hit his head which started to hemorrhage. He and his mom are stressed out and after weeks in the hospital his dad was transferred to rehab miles away and during the transfer his blood pressure had risen to 135 and he was unconscious. I asked the young man if, to relax, would he consider flying some kites. I had a couple I never got to assemble the original owners of my condo left behind. He sounded enthusiastic and the next day I left them on the porch. Anyhow, that evening we talked some more and somehow, on some subject, I went on to say “Little is authentic today. It's all kind of fake. The only reason to keep on living is because you are already alive.” The young man seemed impressed with the last sentence and asked if he could include it in a song . I said sure. We talked a little more and then I parted. 673. Past Religion Brought to your knees Brought to your knees
At some point in your life you will be brought to your knees. Your need for control and having answers and getting things done will be no match. When this happens you will have already tried appealing to many different people and places and things and such, but all have disappointed. All that's left is appealing to something bigger, something higher, an above, a God. Your vibration will be right because you'll be humble. You'll need help and you don't know where else to go and so you'll reach out. This is a call for a new religion. A new emphasis is what's needed. Individually and collectively this has to happen. At least this is how it feels. We have tried people, places and things but more is needed this time around. We have to return to the beginning. Basically, we have to appeal to the above, the maker, God directly and have and feel a closeness like no time before. 672.
Spiritual living Softening When younger you have a character, definition, a personality, a point of view. When older you face the opposite of all this......it becomes harder to be so definite. Faced with all the contradictions of who you were, you ease and mellow and accept.....you must because now you are living between who you were and all that differs from who you were. Since you are not sure where your footing is nor where you appropriately stand, and you are contained between the two within your body, in a sort of no man's land, a softening attitude can calm the spirit and soften the edges and preserve your nerves. 671.
Spiritual Conclusion My conclusion is that each person has to directly hear the voice of God from within and this is our only hope. 670.
Observations Somewhere It feels as if I am inching along multiples of pulls contradictions in my being hoping for answers somewhere over the hill. |
Steven B. Nussdorf records his lifelong search to find meaning outside of the normal channels. He uses writing, poetry, and drawing to document this effort.Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.
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