343.  Past


Observations


Lack of control

On the animals programs today one often sees a zebra grazing, relaxing, maybe in season one male bluffing with another male and in general going about their business.  Suddenly, out of nowhere a lion strikes and the zebra is fighting for his life, and then is no more.  It's like life today.  You are one of the herd and then suddenly you are terminated.  To be aware of this causes a helpless feeling, a situation that you have no control over.  At any point a car could be trying to beat a red light and change your life.  It can be scary. 

342.


Vignettes

A necessary evil 

I saw a friend from Florida up north recently in her apartment where she talked about her younger weightlifting, physically hard working type boyfriend who never came to visit her in the city.  He did however call twice a day which she said no one else did and this showed some care.

I told her about a fellow worker at a job I had years ago, in his sixties, who also weight lifted and carefully played the woman he was sleeping with.  Somehow he had relayed this to me after a talk on how it was impossible for him to save any money because something always came up.  What was left was to maintain himself, meet his needs, and just continue and “come what may.”  At the worse his son might have to pick up the pieces.  Sleeping with this woman he had met at the laundromat was one of those needs.  He told me he carefully played her, would not reveal too much, but enough to keep her interested.  He entered and withdrew from her life, staying a mystery.  In his words 'he was getting what he wants.'  I told the lady friend I was speaking to he was a 'clever bastard.'

I then recalled to  her what I had read about the charming ambitious muscular Arnold Schwarzenegger.  In the gym, talking to fellow lifters, he would size up the weaknesses and vulnerabilities and attitudes of the women he ran across.  Using hand gestures he molded a strategy for what it would take to have his way with each of them.  Presently my friend said her boyfriend was 'attentive to her' and filled some of her needs.  Upon hearing these vignettes she said 'so my R is a clever bastard, huh.'

I remember working for a boss from Eastern Europe who while being likeable on one level, lied, cheated, manipulated and sucked up to get what he wanted on other levels.  If he had gone to my elementary or high school and exhibited this behavior he would have been isolated and reprimanded if not expelled.  He was brought up in the Communist block where you placated the powers that be while scheming and lying your way through daily life.  The kids I knew who had gone to Catholic school exhibited some of those traits.

They say the Russian mafia is more dangerous and harder to eliminate than the Italian mafia because each member is a complete force unto themselves.  The hit men are not dumb oafs while the Godfather wise and all knowing.  Rather, each member is a survivor and opportunist in their own right, fully capable and just waiting for the next move.  This was G, a total operator.  The only thing is he didn't even know it.  To him it was just normal behavior and he basically thought he was a good person.  He often said he tried to be the 'nice guy.'  He would set up people to get fired then manipulate the facts so it looked as if they messed up.  When it was time for them to move on he would give them horrible references.  He would promise raises and deliver pay cuts, playing to each person's weaknesses.  As he effected and even hurt and damaged various lives,  he remained likeable and appeared almost innocent.  Is a rattle snake guilty of being a rattle snake?  Some said where he was from they suck up to power and squash all those beneath them.  Coffee runs for the management while having employees stand for 8 hours straight was par for him.

Years later I was speaking to a clothing salesman in the property G supervised who had been a victim of G.  Walking with a limp, he now had to park his car blocks from where he worked because of an arbitrary ruling G had enforced.  When I alluded to the unfairness of G's actions, the salesman exhibited a bigger understanding and said 'well, he's a necessary evil.'

How liberating I found that.  You mean, I don't have to topple, eradicate, sentence, or hurt him to get even in some way?  Or for that matter feel bad for not doing so?  Or even feel guilty about achieving some protected status as one of his henchmen?  Or even petition the government against certain immigration policies that let the likes of him in this country?  No, all no.  He was part of the scenery.  He was part of the universe that was presented to me.  He fit in somehow in his own way and principle be dammed.  He was 'a necessary evil.'

My friend up north softly and reflectively said 'oh, my R is also a necessary evil' as we continued to walk and talk.

341.  Past

Principles

Philosophy

Flaws with self-correction 

Men tend to self-correct.  If they try something and it stops working they refine or correct or alter it.  At any point on this continuum they have a philosophy, opinion on the process.  Often, these opinions and actions are only partially correct. Their reasoning followed a logical sequence but they ended up out on a limb somewhere.  Their corrections haven't worked fully.

The reason is the building process of reason itself is flawed.  Logic will only take you so far and then disappoint.  When it works, it works for a time and that’s all, for it is too narrow.   When it doesn’t work it doesn’t work.  Only when sequential building on logic and decision making is defeated can one get close to any answers.   This applies after a time to the practical as well as our inner self. What they are after can’t be obtained but has to be given and if not given it can’t be compensated for.  This is humbling.

340.  Past


Principles


Art

Beauty and ‘idea art’   

I read an interesting essay by a good writer on beauty.  He said beauty in art needs no justification, not even truth.  It just is, existing on its own merit.  Interesting.  It made me think how beauty seemed to me a point between life (time, the temporary) and the eternal.  It was unique, and would never be again.  That's it, beauty will never be again because it exists in time, and that is sad but “beautiful.”

Anyhow, the writer continued to speak of gigantism, saying that Wagner and Picasso sought to overwhelm as opposed to quietly pursue beauty.  They created a big, tremendous world, a lot of noise hard to ignore, but that's all.  Good point. 

My art illustrates ideas and spiritual epiphanies or at least tries to. I lead with ideas, not beauty or technique.  Perhaps, when learning art, beauty and technique come first.  Now for me and for a time ideas come first.  I am not sure if this works, but it's what I'm trying.  The spirit might rebel against an art of ‘ideas.’  It just might want to have fun.  Understood.  We’ll leave a space for it.  But for now we’ll attempt to carry ‘idea’ art to some kind of conclusion.

339.  Past

Principles

Life and living

Self humor   

Sometimes doing right turns out wrong, and doing wrong turns out wrong.  We plan and God laughs.  Humor appears to be a way to laugh at becoming the fool and making mistakes.  Laughing at ourselves is a light hearted way to see our flaws.

338.


Spirit

Duality

We’re in a fix down here.  In one sense we are drawn to life, its uniqueness, its specialness.  Even the maker is jealous and lives vicariously through us.  Here we become attached, we engage in action, and we spend ourselves. We experience loss and the sadness of this, but we “experience” in this land of the temporary.

On the other hand we are drawn to the timeless, which is beyond and forever. Our incompleteness churns in our insides and we have to look to the other side.   We make preparations for this by gradually preparing and saying goodbye to what and whom we know and knew.  A fullness, wholeness, completion awaits us along with answers to all our questions.  It is all we could ask for even if we are not sure.

We are caught between two worlds; the uniqueness and specialness of living in “time”, and the “forever” where our yearnings and emptiness become satisfied and filled and more.