relating upwards in a good way to the light of truth - For These Times

God to living

3/22/2015

27.

(I'm self conscious about this. Always cognizant that I might be off, needy, just never could take life on its own terms, or something along these lines. Still, I'm doing it until it is clear to me if it is true or not. At this point the error would be omission. I have to risk appearing however I do. All this being said, I wrote down what came to me as if it were 'a still small voice.' It spoke to me and might speak to you.)

God to living

Continue what you are doing. You're doing okay. What you've seen and measured is as if I saw those things and measured them. There is protection and backup. Think through what you go through in a balanced way. When you are in one place mentally you can't be in another, so be aware of that. Evolve into certain answers. Ask the questions but don't predestine them. All the contradictions will fit in somehow. Be aware of them, you can ask about them, but let them unroll. New directions might occur. Your balance and well being now are most important, not necessarily results. Keeping the center is where you want to be, even if your situation is off center. Where you are off or lacking might seem so from a result standpoint, but there were other qualities that filled the gaps that don't necessarily show themselves in the results. These are part of you too.

Move all that makes your life onward. You mark movement with your activities so they serve a purpose. However, don't be stuck in parts of the journey. While you are caught up in the particulars, be aware the whole picture is also with you at the same time. If you are physically suffering, the world's temporary distractions are okay for a time. Ease up a bit on yourself. Have some space in your life between actions so natural pressures have a chance to come to the light naturally.

You will be okay. Just relax a bit. Feel this council in your bones. Bring it with you. I am not far away.

A voice

2/26/2015

26. Past

A voice

Sitting in a car during a break….didn't sleep last night….felt dry boned….as if ready to die….even memories no comfort….ready to give it all up….ready to give up everything ….felt like entropy….just inert matter….then brightness sparkled….think I heard a voice from above….it felt big….and endless.

Farthest I've gone

2/15/2015

25. Past

Farthest I’ve gone

Talking to God, whether imagined or real, is the farthest spiritually I've been able to evolve. It not as if you really hear a voice. It's just a presence that translates to you ideas in terms you understand. Perhaps it is just for a time and then disappears. As life dictates its own terms it is hard to hold onto. Indeed it can be grabbed onto for egotistical reasons, thinking you are now special and occupy a unique spiritual space while here on earth. Most of these concepts wear out with time and one is left disappointed. It might have been a point touched while belief was somewhat intense or there might be an appropriate place for it to fit in as time unfolds. In the meantime under duress it still is there when appealed to. For now, we have to see what the future holds as to this special form of relating to the above.

Almost cruel

12/28/2014

24. Past

Almost cruel

Sometimes I rage to God about aging. It makes no sense. It’s almost cruel. When you finally know certain things, you can’t act upon them.

It's doable

12/5/2014

23.

Relating

It's doable

I felt overloaded with my usual bevy of concerns...money, health, my art, and other more subtle concerns.

During a bikeride I made an appeal to the above and I heard in a calming voice...."Steve, just sludge through this period. Work through the closure on projects as you are bringing completion to them. When you have the time see if can introduce new concepts to art in a light hearted way. Let the money concerns be for now, you're okay and don't project onto the future. Just sludge through."

I answered "but I've been doing that for so long...the details are overwhelming."

"Its doable," I heard. "You can't have a guarantee. That's not how life works. You have to live in the fog but still move forward. It's what's open to you now. You also enjoyed that lecture on Cuba. You can let in some new information and enjoy that. You don't have to have all the answers. You can absorb other influences. So sludge forward until things become completed and take it from there. Alright Steve?"

Two brief answers

10/25/2014

22.

Relating

Two brief answers

In life there is pain and there is suffering. I'm not the first to notice this. It is not unreasonable when upon reflection one asks 'why' and what is the meaning of it all. After exploring many roads and avenues one might conclude there is a maker, a God. After further investigation one might envision the maker as more than just a transcendental ether. God might, just might have characteristics that we share and might be like us and more. If this is the case it would not be out of the question to experiment in relating to this higher up. We might be driven to this by our own discomfort. As such, I say somewhat self-consciously relating to God, even talking to God, or appealing to the maker, is an avenue to be explored. There is a place to evolve spiritually on subtle levels on one level. There is a place to relate to the maker directly on another. Even though many nuts do it, it doesn’t make it invalid. Nuts also eat and so do we. As such, I encourage a person to try it, to experiment even if dubious. That is what this life is for, to find out by trying and experiencing. If you're reading this and taking it in, it might be an opening for you to explore.

This long introduction sets the table for two recent interactions with the above. They were brief and happened the first thing in the morning. The first is a little personal but still has to be shared. Upon awakening I felt a deep ache in the pit of my stomach. With the morning's clarity I realized the ache came from fear, deep fear. Often there is no time to indulge something like this, but that morning I didn't run or get busy. I just felt it and laid myself open for an answer. The answer from above was simple, very simple. “The ache in my stomach serves as motivation for me to keep going.” In other words I need to push on to relieve the ache due to fear.

The second interaction had to do with my art. I had been working on a drawing for over 3 months and it seemed to have promise. When I scanned it and printed it out with darker values the drawing looked choppy and didn't hold. I didn't know what to do. I was surprised because a lot of work went into it. Maybe a slight tinkering with the lighting might help, maybe a slight something else, but I could not see what was needed. So at the end of my rope and feeling very much defeated I said to God, “I don't have an answer as to how to make this work.” Again, it being early morning and my being still somewhat slow, the answer was succinct. It was “You don't have to have an answer.”

Somehow that honesty relieved me. I was exonerated. Some things were beyond my scope, beyond my fixing or knowledge. Not everything could be fixed. Straining and trying to solve my drawing was getting me nowhere. Honesty about my predicament was what brought relief.

Is it time?

9/22/2014

21. Past

Appeals

Is it time?

Is it time oh Lord? Is it time to come to you, to seek you? To be with you? Open the doors. Let me peek. Let me come. Let me be with you. Let me through to you. Let me blur with you. Let me feel your comfort. Hold me in your arms. Is it time oh Lord?

Another perspective

8/5/2014

20.

Another perspective

For some claims to hear from above or speak to God can appear to be a betrayal to life. If life is ego driven then that is the game of life we have to play. If life itself is a rebellion against the maker so be it. Claims to have a beeline to another dimension won't give to you a pass. Watch a boy who wants to learn a sport. All he cares about is how to do it in the physical realm. We have to live and fail, even gloriously. If our flaw is that we want to be God then that is what we have to experience fully. We have to participate.

Of course this is one perspective, but I understand it and give it it's due.

Questioning questioning God

7/24/2014

19.

Questioning questioning God

I had a question, one of many, that was troubling me and I thought I'd try something 'unsophisticated,' I would ask God.

Two questions would get answered. One about the problem itself. The second, more basically, about the very idea of questioning.

In the past I've received hints in a wisp of a voice. A still small voice is not unknown to me. But now I desired a direct test. That is what life is about, finding out how things work. The object is not to demean God or irritate. Rather, I seek to know how to live in this life, knowing there is a God but also feeling the weight of this life.

So I asked my question and the answer was so clear. I didn't hear words, but rather my understanding became clarified.

This is what I understood. In this life we are in motion. Everything is moving, nothing is still, and hence the landscape around us changes constantly. New elements are introduced as some disappear. Weather changes, people change and things change. Change is motion. There are rhythms to the movement while nothing is totally permanent.

In this environment there has to be a flow. Black and white decisions projected into the future can mislead, for the future changes and is not known. We can have inclinations, premonitions, and yearnings, but each decision depends entirely on the moment and is a leap into the unknown.

As such, a direct 'yes' or 'no' answer to a question freezes the movement and dynamics of life. One doesn't shoot the ball knowing it will go in the basket. It is unknown until it happens. Deciding beforehand it will go in is a presumption. Or, if we take a photograph and project it onto the future, and say 'this is how things will be' we are imposing our will onto the future. Moreso, life is more like a movie in motion, filming as we go. True, we can ponder and question and approximate, but we can't insist. As such, God helps us and prods us, but doesn't replace what is to be discovered in each special moment.

No match

7/15/2014

18. Past

No match

Wow. it all feels like a trap. One thing that leads to another thing and yet another was supposed to work out. Especially after I knew the light, the presence. That was supposed to transform, to enlighten, to allow for a new dimension. It is still the hope as I feel the weight of looming entanglements. But where is it.

A thousand decisions, a thousand actions, a thousand moves was based on this hope. It was to go from the art to the spirit to an integration of all. Instead, I have been left defenseless, to fend for myself from the coldness around me. And what was supposed to be resolved within me once again appears jagged.

I cry out and seem to receive some words of comfort, but who knows. It seems not enough even if it is. Everything around seems too real, too insistent and alone I am no match.