36.
The answer
Everything is so bothersome and irritating as far as people go. Greed, self serving ambition lie beneath the surface in most of what I see. Self involvement, self preservation or desperation are the motivators. It's not satisfying to see this.
When going to the bathroom of all things I surprisingly had some clarity. It was a combination of light and a voice coming through the surrounding darkness in my forehead. My breath slowed down and I seemed to hear “go after this experience.” I became calmer and sighed. Afterwards I tried to keep this experience in my mind.
First there is the light/voice in my head and then there is all the rest of my compromised and complicated life. Activities are either too intricate or too mundane. Perhaps this light/voice in my head can lift everything else towards itself. Maybe this is what is needed, for myself and others.
Later I ask myself if a 'too pure thought,' and idealized concept like so many in history, can misguide a person. Perhaps this person was never able to handle the simple good and bad of life, accepting all of it with equanimity. It would be good if one could do this.
For some, maybe many, this is beyond their reach. As such, their reason becomes black or white, too pure or too polluted. Rules and dogmas fill the void of not knowing what to do. This light/voice can break through this polarity and reconnect the person to the source, which existed before the polarity. It can trickle down from itself and evaporate back towards itself.
It's possible this is all another dangerous illusion. Perhaps it should only be tried after one has tried everything else. It's possible it is the needed key to the lock. It's possible it is an answer.
The answer
Everything is so bothersome and irritating as far as people go. Greed, self serving ambition lie beneath the surface in most of what I see. Self involvement, self preservation or desperation are the motivators. It's not satisfying to see this.
When going to the bathroom of all things I surprisingly had some clarity. It was a combination of light and a voice coming through the surrounding darkness in my forehead. My breath slowed down and I seemed to hear “go after this experience.” I became calmer and sighed. Afterwards I tried to keep this experience in my mind.
First there is the light/voice in my head and then there is all the rest of my compromised and complicated life. Activities are either too intricate or too mundane. Perhaps this light/voice in my head can lift everything else towards itself. Maybe this is what is needed, for myself and others.
Later I ask myself if a 'too pure thought,' and idealized concept like so many in history, can misguide a person. Perhaps this person was never able to handle the simple good and bad of life, accepting all of it with equanimity. It would be good if one could do this.
For some, maybe many, this is beyond their reach. As such, their reason becomes black or white, too pure or too polluted. Rules and dogmas fill the void of not knowing what to do. This light/voice can break through this polarity and reconnect the person to the source, which existed before the polarity. It can trickle down from itself and evaporate back towards itself.
It's possible this is all another dangerous illusion. Perhaps it should only be tried after one has tried everything else. It's possible it is the needed key to the lock. It's possible it is an answer.
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