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The answer

1/27/2017

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36. 

The answer

Everything is so bothersome and irritating as far as people go.  Greed, self serving ambition lie beneath the surface in most of what I see.  Self involvement, self preservation or desperation are the motivators. It's not satisfying to see this.

When going to the bathroom of all things I surprisingly had some clarity.  It was a combination of light and a voice coming through the surrounding darkness in my forehead.  My breath slowed down and I seemed to hear “go after this experience.”  I became calmer and sighed.  Afterwards I tried to keep this experience in my mind.

First there is the light/voice in my head and then there is all the rest of my compromised and complicated life.  Activities are either too intricate or too mundane.  Perhaps this light/voice in my head can lift everything else towards itself.  Maybe this is what is needed, for myself and others.

Later I ask myself if a 'too pure thought,' and idealized concept like so many in history, can misguide a person.  Perhaps this person was never able to handle the simple good and bad of life, accepting all of it with equanimity.  It would be good if one could do this.

For some, maybe many, this is beyond their reach.  As such, their reason becomes black or white, too pure or too polluted.  Rules and dogmas fill the void of not knowing what to do.  This light/voice can break through this polarity and reconnect the person to the source, which existed before the polarity. It can trickle down from itself and evaporate back towards itself.

It's possible this is all another dangerous illusion.  Perhaps it should only be tried after one has tried everything else. It's possible it is the needed key to the lock.  It's possible it is an answer.



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Manageable bites

1/27/2017

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35.

Manageable bites

Recently a lot complicated things have been on my mind.  My father's been in rehab and decisions around that have to be made.  Also decisions about the future, about myself, on top of just dealing with the emotions involved.  What I've noticed is that I haven't heard from the above.  When feeling pain I appeal but everything is in such a swirl I hear nothing back.  Or, a couple of times when bitter and snide, I present totally negative scenarios and I seem to hear the small silent voice, but I think it's laughing at me.  I learned a long time ago God has a sense of humor.

Yesterday, after reaching a certain pressure point, a couple of things eased up and an aperture of light appeared towards the next step.  Also at some other time my perspective enlarged to include the worse and best of possibilities.  This also served to release tension.

So with a lighter load I lay in bed that night, closed my eyes and saw what seemed the light of God's eye (sometimes called the third eye).  I then heard the calm and guiding and soothing voice of God review with me the status of some of the variables I faced.  My breath deepened and I calmed down. 

Apparently, when everything is in overload and overdrive God can't reach us, even if we need it.  When things break down into smaller bites and the situation is more manageable God will make his presence felt.  He picks the point where he can make a difference.
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What's it's like?

1/11/2017

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34.

What's it like?
God's voice is like a breath of fresh water.


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