35.

Manageable bites

Recently a lot complicated things have been on my mind.  My father's been in rehab and decisions around that have to be made.  Also decisions about the future, about myself, on top of just dealing with the emotions involved.  What I've noticed is that I haven't heard from the above.  When feeling pain I appeal but everything is in such a swirl I hear nothing back.  Or, a couple of times when bitter and snide, I present totally negative scenarios and I seem to hear the small silent voice, but I think it's laughing at me.  I learned a long time ago God has a sense of humor.

Yesterday, after reaching a certain pressure point, a couple of things eased up and an aperture of light appeared towards the next step.  Also at some other time my perspective enlarged to include the worse and best of possibilities.  This also served to release tension.

So with a lighter load I lay in bed that night, closed my eyes and saw what seemed the light of God's eye (sometimes called the third eye).  I then heard the calm and guiding and soothing voice of God review with me the status of some of the variables I faced.  My breath deepened and I calmed down. 

Apparently, when everything is in overload and overdrive God can't reach us, even if we need it.  When things break down into smaller bites and the situation is more manageable God will make his presence felt.  He picks the point where he can make a difference.

11.  Past




Trapped

God has me trapped.
I rage and am angry towards him
over my horribleness and lot
yet I seek him when I need relief
and have no place to go.                                                      2 

5.  Past

I run

Yes I run from you
to live the life
I thought I missed
but it disappoints
and I return.

3. 

Relating

Activities get new life

I remember seeing lifelong artists years ago who were just not happy with the
way things went.  They looked slightly askance at their work, not fully
pleased. Decisions made and paths taken didn't  always come from the best
places.  Even sincerity wasn't enough.  After decades of doing art the
flaws in their development became apparent.  They could not run or hide
from this, but had to live with it.  Forms, ideas, inspirations had become
deadened and lifeless.  At some early point this wasn't the case, or maybe
it always was.  Their foundations, presumptions, were miscued. 
Something went off.

This morning I felt like this. 

While still in bed my body heated up as if filled with a clear light.  It was in me and around me.  It was as if little beings danced around my body and words "these dead forms can live" played to my ears.  I realized whether imagined, or even deluded, an
idea  that took a form is still redeemable.  It all can be given life  from the above.  We can drop what we are doing and try something else but  it still will be off kilter.  The imbalance, like electricity, will still carry through.  Rather it's best to keep doing what you are doing  and emerge from where you are at.  You  let what has become lifeless become full of  light and life.  In this  way the hopeless becomes hopefull.  What seems dead takes on life. It is as  if I heard this and it stands on its own. 

 

 
 

2.  Past


Dance through life    

In my notes I have written, “Dance through life.  This is affirmed from
above.”  I don't recall the insight, but the words have some import.