(I'm self conscious about this. Always cognizant that I might be off, needy, just never could take life on its own terms, or something along these lines. Still, I'm doing it until it is clear to me if it is true or not. At this point the error would be omission. I have to risk appearing however I do. All this being said, I wrote down what came to me as if it were 'a still small voice.' It spoke to me and might speak to you.)
God to living
Continue what you are doing. You're doing okay. What you've seen and measured is as if I saw those things and measured them. There is protection and backup. Think through what you go through in a balanced way. When you are in one place mentally you can't be in another, so be aware of that. Evolve into certain answers. Ask the questions but don't predestine them. All the contradictions will fit in somehow. Be aware of them, you can ask about them, but let them unroll. New directions might occur. Your balance and well being now are most important, not necessarily results. Keeping the center is where you want to be, even if your situation is off center. Where you are off or lacking might seem so from a result standpoint, but there were other qualities that filled the gaps that don't necessarily show themselves in the results. These are part of you too.
Move all that makes your life onward. You mark movement with your activities so they serve a purpose. However, don't be stuck in parts of the journey. While you are caught up in the particulars, be aware the whole picture is also with you at the same time. If you are physically suffering, the world's temporary distractions are okay for a time. Ease up a bit on yourself. Have some space in your life between actions so natural pressures have a chance to come to the light naturally.
You will be okay. Just relax a bit. Feel this council in your bones. Bring it with you. I am not far away.