Wow. it all feels like a trap. One thing that leads to another thing and yet another was supposed to work out. Especially after I knew the light, the presence. That was supposed to transform, to enlighten, to allow for a new dimension. It is still the hope as I feel the weight of looming entanglements. But where is it.
A thousand decisions, a thousand actions, a thousand moves was based on this hope. It was to go from the art to the spirit to an integration of all. Instead, I have been left defenseless, to fend for myself from the coldness around me. And what was supposed to be resolved within me once again appears jagged.
I cry out and seem to receive some words of comfort, but who knows. It seems not enough even if it is. Everything around seems too real, too insistent and alone I am no match.