9. Past

(Obviously this is from some years ago.  The notes are somewhat disjointed but I believe there is value in them on different levels.)




Words from my dad

Lately my parents have been having some problems, physical and emotional.  Sometimes my dad can be reasonable and show wisdom, and other times he is impatient and lashes out.  What he is, he is, but sometimes it is nice to hear his better side, his higher side.

Recently we had a talk on Rosh Hashanah and he was in the mood to talk.  What he said might be a little disjointed, but it all has some value.  He mentioned that in Gestalt psychology you try to see the whole rather than the parts.  Makes good sense.  He then said there are no absolutes accept death.  He continued to say there is nothing worth hanging onto and giving up everything for.  Well, on one level this seems true.  It is a way to adapt and survive and be practical.

He said Christianity is black and white whereas Judaism is multilevel.  This is just his observation and not meant to be a judgment. In my studies of both religions, and plus having been married to a Christian, I found that there is some truth to this on a certain level.  Please don’t take offense Christians.  Elsewhere I delve into this.  Again, these are his observations.

He stated that my mom was fighting for her life, and then said I’m like her.  Hope is important and he hopes I reach fulfillment (both parents favorite term).

Dad added nothing is worth losing everything for, and that it is important to keep things in perspective.  The aim is to be able to “see everything, to be aware of the whole.”  Awareness itself is the key. (At times wish he had been less aware and more animated on my behalf.)

Dad said he tries to set a good example for me.  Then he stated we’ll see what happens in the future.  That’s when my mom blurted out “what future.”

It was mentioned I was from good stock.   I’m not sure if he meant mental or physical (longevity) or spiritual stock.  If I live long though, it would be from some health consciousness, as my genes seem to from my less healthy mom’s side, but he might know something I don’t.

So these were the words from my dad on the 2009.

8.  Past


Health

(A writing dating back to when mom was ill.  Recalling this period, bits of truth and good words emerge out of hard circumstances.)


A few meaningful words

My father is weak now and he often doesn’t have the energy to expound.  He does all the work taking care of my mom.  This time, however, he spoke of health and he gave me advice on the body.  A general feeling of working with the body was conveyed. He described it as if the body is a separate entity that has to be cared for and understood.  When he was finished, I felt at ease, accepting my body and all its variables.  This was a good thing.

7.  past



Core of values

The day before mom died dad was saying that mom was on antibiotics, that she was suffering, and either he or she wanted some peace for her.  He said the care was on top of the situation (in the hospital).  Later, my sister said she was failing due to treatment she had in rehab.  She felt the care was subpar.

Unknowing to us all mom would pass the next day. We briefly talked about my writings and art and direction.  Dad said "mom's love set up a base for me.  The core of good values will prevail."

6.  Past

Principles

Art

The bigger picture

Sometimes my dad speaks with wisdom.  On some levels he is not always the nicest person, but on other levels he is wise.  What can one say?

Anyhow, during a discussion he thought that I should instill art into the bigger picture....that art is not the all of all.

I also had this conclusion.  Add art to life, not life to art.

5.  Past


Mom/Dad


Dad


The written word has bite 

After 35 years via internet an old friend and I made contact.  I emailed my sister, who also knew him about this connection, and made positive comments about Brian. I made also a couple of negative comments meant only for her ears (one of my comments was that Brian was superficial). She by accident emailed what I said to Brian and this was   very embarrassing. The words I said could have been hurtful but he responded as a total gentleman and I offered a total apology and humbled myself.  He accepted and all seemed relatively okay.  I jokingly mentioned to him that I speak negatively towards everyone so he shouldn’t feel singled out.  It relieves pressure although is not a good character builder.  Brian also said emails can be treacherous and he was right.  It takes only one click and the damage is done.

It still bothered me, both because of my sister’s carelessness for sending it and for the comment I made to Brian. It also tainted from the start a renewed friendship.  Later, I spoke to my dad about it and he was in a receptive mood.  I like to involve him when I can otherwise he can withdraw and show little interest.  Anyhow, he spoke of the human element, that it is not good to hurt others, and that Brian saw my humility in my apology, and eventually that lead to his heart.  My heart spoke to him.  Finally, a practical suggestion was offered by my dad was that to put things in writing could be dangerous. Feelings can be felt but the written word has legs and can bite.  My father sometimes could surprise with such insights.

4.  Past

A weak knee and some advice         
 
One time my knee, from biking and swimming, became very weak, to the point
where I had trouble standing on it.  Getting sun near a pool I met a lady
who said she was a healer and she'd be willing to help me.  We moved to a
quiet area and she placed her hands on my knee, said a prayer, and I felt heat
from her hands, vibrations on my knee, and, at that moment, it felt
better.  Later, it weakened but it still, generally, seemed better.

Through time I became acquainted with the “healer” and saw her many
inconsistencies and contradictions.  I mentioned all this to my aging dad
and he advised “let it be.  There still is a sincere warmth that comes
through her.”  Nice words.

We further discussed exercises that could work for my knees.  He advised
me to reduce my number of repetitions from 50 to 30.

So it was a decent, level headed talk with some approaches and philosophy
offered.

3.

Carries through

My dad frequently reads the New York Times obituaries and last week he
spoke of the passing of Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, a spiritual leader of Israel's
Sephardic Jews.  Apparently he gained respect in mainstream Israel circles
for his wisdom and leadership all backed by thorough knowledge of the Torah and
Halakha (unfolding of Jewish law).  At one time, backed by the Halakha
principle of 'saving life comes above all else' he ruled in favor of Israel
conceding territories, but later became hawkish after the violence of the second
intifada in 2000.  But all this is not the real point.  I really
didn't have the patience to layout and understand the rulings and judgements of
the particular times and of the Rabbi's many opinions.  Still, often my
father would mail to me such obituaries and I found there was a comfort and
richness and connection with the past when reading them, this one included.

During a phone call I said to my dad it saddens me reading about such
men who spent a lifetime fighting for this or that principle and now these
principles and struggles are in the past and long gone and semi-forgotten, at
least by me taken up with my own concerns.  My father answered "they still
come through, what you need comes through, you still get and feel the spirit of
what they did.  It carries through.  There still is value."

2.  Past


Experience         

I had a good talk with my dad when I turned 63.  I'm not sure what led
up to it.  He said you still have to experience things, even at his age,
93.  I think the discussion began when I was talking about art and
mentioning at this stage few will be around that I know to see the results of
what I am doing.  It was then that he said ‘even so, we still have to
experience life and continue to live and do what we do.  There is value in
just this.  Even though it is sad others we know won't be around to
appreciate it, we should continue because experience has its own intrinsic
value.’

1.  Past


Dad and I agreed

Dad and I agreed.

We agreed in life,
sometimes unpleasant things
need to be done.

We agreed in life
you are sometimes drawn to do bad.
To see this is  maturity.

We spoke not as father and son
but as two aging people
comparing notes.                                                                     1