The Cohanan, Yom Kippur, Prayer for mom 2015
A few nights before Yom Kippur when speaking to my dad he said he would call me Yom Kippur eve and we would say a prayer for mom and light the Yahrzeit candle at sunset. Yom Kippur eve rolled around and I did not hear from my dad, at 6, 7, nor 8 pm. My mind wandered and resentment overtook me. How could he not call me when he gave his word to, especially to say a prayer for mom on Yom Kippur eve? He probably forgot and/or is at my sister's apartment, and just passed over it . The pleasures of socializing pushed me into the background as so many times before. I, who through him also am a Cohanan, become robbed of that acknowledgment. The lineage is once again ignored and food and partying take precedence.
Then around 9pm he called and sounded tired. He had walked about ½ mile, just with a cane, not his walker which was more supportive, to an orthodox synagogue for services. He had just returned and did not have the energy to say the prayer. He would call tomorrow. Hmmmm. I was relieved. I then faintly recalled he had mentioned this. The resentment subsized. The circular anger left. I wondered why, after all these years of self examination, I was still on the edge. It was almost as if it was a clear test from God. Even though I seemed to have failed it, it seemed a clear sign, which there seem to be not many, that he was caring for me.
Anyhow, early on Yom Kippur day, around 10, before he went to synagogue, the Cohanan called and recited in Hebrew the prayer and I repeated it surprisingly well phrase by phrase. The Hebrew sounds were from the gut, just like Sanskrit, and caused vibrations in the entire body. I felt a light in my head. After that dad said mom is still with us and pleased . I asked him to summarize Yom Kippur briefly and he said one prays for blessings and health for the coming year.
And for the moment all was good.