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The Cohanan, Yom Kippur, Prayer for mom 2015

9/23/2015

 
16.

The Cohanan, Yom Kippur, Prayer for mom 2015

A few nights before Yom Kippur when speaking to my dad he said he would call me Yom Kippur eve and we would say a prayer for mom and light the Yahrzeit candle at sunset.  Yom Kippur eve rolled around and I did not hear from my dad, at 6, 7, nor 8 pm.  My mind wandered and resentment overtook me.  How could he not call me when he gave his word to, especially to say a prayer for mom on Yom Kippur eve?  He probably forgot and/or is at my sister's apartment, and just passed over it .  The pleasures of socializing pushed me into the background as so many times before.  I, who through him also am a Cohanan, become robbed of that acknowledgment.  The lineage is once again ignored and food and partying take precedence. 

Then around 9pm he called and sounded tired.  He had walked about ½ mile, just with a cane, not his walker which was more supportive,  to an orthodox synagogue for services. He had just returned and did not have the energy to say the prayer.  He would call tomorrow.   Hmmmm.   I was relieved.  I then faintly recalled he had mentioned this. The resentment subsized.  The circular anger left.  I wondered why, after all these years of self examination, I was still on the edge.  It was almost as if it was a clear test from God.  Even though I seemed to have failed it, it seemed a clear sign, which there seem to be not many, that he was caring for me.

Anyhow, early on Yom Kippur day, around 10, before he went to synagogue, the Cohanan called and recited in Hebrew the prayer and I repeated it surprisingly well phrase by phrase.  The  Hebrew sounds were from the gut, just like Sanskrit, and caused vibrations in the entire body.  I felt a light in my head.  After that dad said mom is still with us and pleased .  I asked him to summarize Yom Kippur briefly and he said one prays for blessings and health for the coming year.

And for the moment all was good.




Joanne Thomson Locke
9/24/2015 06:50:14 am

L'Shannah Tovah 5776, Steve. Live in that moment (and other good moments with the Cohanan) and just be, and be thankful for whatever he can give at age 97. Same with my 85-year-old parents (and I have always been resentful of how self-centered they were as upper middle class Canadians with 4 children -- too many to give each attention). They are long past sending me cards or contacting me in any way besides short answers to emails. Dad decided to move into the home with my Mom without asking anyone, and kind of threw his far-away kids under the bus, re: having a place to stay when visiting. (They had a full basement guest suite that would hold whole families.) But my son drove up to Canada for one day to retrieve Dad's stereo components in the downsize. (My sisters who helped got the furniture.) I sent Dad a picture of the stereo (set up with a CD of him playing his trumpet with his small brass band, which he had forgotten he had given me) and he actually phoned me, he was so thrilled! The onus is on us now to contact them. They're having a hard time just living. (Glad to hear your dad can still walk to synagogue, and that he's using words to say he's proud of you.) <3 Joanne. (Son who studied Hebrew and Torah, and photographed a Bar Mitzvah professionally, explained about the Cohen name, as I have and have had many friends of that name.)

steve
9/25/2015 05:57:56 am

Joanne, good to hear from you. good advice on just being. also enjoy the sympatico on their selfishness. not always easy to bypass. the old wounds don't go away so easily. yes, your dad wasn't thinking about you. as I get older the truth is no matter how much one shrinks oneself, these actions still betray. still, we have to go on. as you say tho, there is still some good t hat emerges from them just when we are ready to give up. another neighbor I ran into said her 94 year old dad is driving her crazy.

re cohanan....I've learned that is form the dad to the son..they give blessings. cohen was from my mom, indicating in her family way back when there was a cohanan. this is what I've learned.

best s


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