614.

Personal

So how are things?

A friend Susanne said she spends most of her time doing chores.  True.  A lot of time on that.

Then there is my father just hanging in there.

Then there is the decision to start some painting. Previously, I wanted resolution on some health issues, teeth and more. But the waters are murkier than I thought. It just might continue on.  It's not a race with a finish line. I also wanted to finish filing everything into its proper place.  That also has to be ongoing.

So, within this potpourri of experience, I'm going to lay all my cards on the table.  It will all be out there.  Surrounded by all this incompletion, at least I won't be holding back. Whatever is within me will have a chance to exist and maybe more. I have to stand up to the onslaught with my core growing too.

And that's how it is.

613.

Principles

Living

Elevator TV

It is very hard to begin writing sometimes.  It is like trying to sprint from a standing position.  It's easier just to not to and get distracted.  My latest technique is to begin with the distractions and then veer into writing.  Plus background noise becomes the extended famlly.  A good black and white 50's movie will do.  However, sometimes they are not on.  The Bourne Identity seems to do the trick.  So do some grade C SciFi flicks.. Sometimes I can glide into writing if I'm set up, and sometimes I can diss what I'm watching as inferior and redirect onto the page. 

Lately, do to a dearth of movies that are not too 'loud,' I'll turn on one of the cop shows.  Let's see, there's NCIS, Bones, Law and Order (a couple of versions) and maybe a couple of others.  One went off the air.  If I'm stuck on the writing, I can turn around and look at the drama.  They are like elevator music.  Tight, well shot, no motions wasted, one can tell good money was spent on them.  They are packaged well.  Plus, I can look at them from time and it as if I've missed nothing.  It's all one story. 

The other day I asked myself which is the best one?  After pondering such a world shattering question, an answer came to me.  They are all the same.  The particulars differ.  One uses forensics, one is a special unit of the FBI, one deals with sex crimes in New York, but all are similar in technique.  They are tight and carefully constructed.  If you wonder why we aren't painting 'Mona Lisa's' it's because all the life energy has gone into these programs.  Each is an institution too, supporting many families.  They are formula and keep the status quo going.  As with elevator music, they don't threaten but stay in the background while titillating the senses just enough to keep you watching.

No real questions are asked, no real answers are given.  When some issue is approached seriously, it becomes homogenized and pasteurized.  We know what that does to real food don't we.  So in essence it doesn't matter which I watch.  They all connect me with the culture today as it is, which means I'm touching something with my feet while my mind reaches for what is above and takes some risks.

612.

Family

Dad

He is not eating

I heard my dad is just hanging in there.  He is not eating and is  losing weight.  What to do?  Doing nothing feels impotent.  Throwing oneself into the situation in the past did some damage  health wise and was not all that appreciated. Personal strength and resources are limited and I have to use them  wisely.  Yesterday a neighbor made me some homemade healthy soup with garlic and lemons and lime mixed with  chicken and yams and artichoke pasta and more.  Perhaps I can figure out a way to send some.  Maybe.  Maybe not.

Early the next morning in the quiet stillness,  with a light reflecting from the above, a coating of protection settled over me, softening the edges, allowing for small steps to be considered, realistic or not so.

611.  Past

Spiritual Living

Reaching Out

Having  artwork complete with a message, coupled with writing that hopefully comes from a deep place, I hope to speak to those who are like me.  The schools, institutions, places of worship, never really spoke to us.  They used us, tolerated us or ignored us.  We went along to get along.  We are the ones with the simple message I’m talking about written within us.  There was always a presence, another realm, but many of us were turned off because of who was telling  us this.  I know it’s hard to listen to anything these days, particularly talk of the spirit, particularly if you are over fifty, but please listen just this one last time.  I’m not the usual source.  I’m an outsider too.  We’ve all shared similar pains going through life.  In a sense we’re the unspoken victims.  Perhaps, in reality, we are the glue that holds the world together.  So, with everything I’ve got, I’m reaching out to you.  We’ve been alone perhaps, even thought at times we might be crazy, but actually we are the ones whose heads and hearts have been in the right place.  We have to know this, in turn be confirmed by others who know this, and in doing so be enabled to keep alive what is special and is meant to survive.

610.  Past

Principles

Meaning, understanding


Purpose and suffering

We want to know if our suffering counts.  For a time we suffer and afterwards the suffering makes us purposeful. We want to get beyond the suffering.   However, eventually, something goes wrong, our purpose is not completed. It lets us down, and our suffering returns.  This repeats itself.  Eventually we question the pattern.  We ask 'why' and what lies beneath this pattern.

609.

Spiritual living

Joe, meditation, God   

I have a neighbor, say Joe, who teaches all over the world meditation.  We see one another at the pool.  The principles involved are watching your thoughts and emotions and not responding to them.  Good enough.  All other activities in life, whether meditating or not, are to be looked at with hopefully not too much response.  The stillness of just being is the deepest answer to all dilemmas as I understand meditation.    Joe is constantly correcting himself and others around him, sometimes diplomatically and sometimes not, to not be attached to your reactions of things and in a sense to not pass judgment.  Doing so, anger at, resentment for sucks you into reaction which draws you away from your center.

Not much thought goes into the source of all things.  Rather you are forever eliminating distractions that divert you from this stillness.  Within this stillness one is connected somehow with the source of all things.  Since it is hard to remain in this zone most of your energy is focused on this process.  I think I understand this and give it value.  How to reconcile this with my concept of a personal, caring, loving God is not easily done.  They almost appear as parallel universes that one keeps going simultaneously. Well, there's a reason to keep both going even if the dots don't fully connect.  Why?  Because they might eventually connect even if it takes decades to do so.

Such an understanding came to me.  I forget the circumstances or situation or specifics.  Probably I was in some inner turmoil which is not unusual.  I sat still on the couch, maybe to meditate, maybe to just be still and rest.  Something I thought about gave me a ping in my heart.  It was a good feeling, something like pure love where you melted, or were sad and joyous at the same time, or overwhelmed with gratitude and had the feeling of being blessed, or thankful and grateful, or peaceful with tears.  Maybe all at the same time to the point where you couldn't take it. It was too much. 

At the same time there was some connection to God and it was as if his energy was breathing into me.  Inhale this God, experience the above inner swelling.  It lasted for, oh a second.  I didn't run, but repeated this inhaling part of God's spirit again, and then again this melting took place.  This went on for maybe 10 times, maybe a little less or more.  Then it stopped.  It was more than a light.  It was as deep as my being could absorb, and could not last longer.  I don't think I could take anymore.  In any case it wasn't important that I continue.  Looking back it imparted a coding within me  to understand another level of existence.

This repeated blessing and almost blissfulness received, however described, is what we seek.   When one has it everything else goes away, or at least is less important.  Nothing can hold a candle to this experience, at least in this life.  So here is the connection to mediation and God, the bridge between these parallel dimensions. 

When you connect as described with the being of God,  all thoughts and distractions fall away.  This is also the goal of meditation..  Going towards God and receiving this state of being achieves what meditation eventually seeks but is the actual thing itself, hence more direct.  Meditation prepares to go there instead of just being there.

Watching your thoughts and reactions is one step removed from this.  You are still focused on what separates you from God.  You are focused on a lower state of being, .  The momentary rewards of stillness, even stillness with an occasional moment of light, cannot come close to being, however briefly also, with the presence and God and having your heart melt into His.

So the question or mystery had an answer, at least for a time.  Answers  don't always last forever.  But this is a good one. The connection between meditation and God is established to my mind.  The cure that meditation seeks for the human mind has to take a back seat to directly seeking the presence of the above.  Filling up with  God's presence, however briefly, answers your deepest needs .  You are connecting with the maker, not just stilling the mind.  When you experience this, the mind inadvertently is free of distractions.

I have not been able to repeat this state.  Indeed it takes some strength to do so.  Some questions seemed to have been answered and other gaps  have to be filled and hopefully its time will come again

Adios.

608. Past

Relating 

Without hands out

When we relate to God, we usually want something.  It is hard not to.  It would be nice to come to God not wanting anything, without our hands out.  This is hard.  Better just to be honest about our neediness and dependency.