Received an email from my sister with subject saying 'dad fell.' His hip is fractured and his heart rate is up and he is at NYU. Later heard he might need a pin in the hip or hip replacement, dangerous at his age.
I paced up and down my apartment, back and forth. What to do, what to do? Yeah, I was in a panic. Some of my thoughts went to dad. Some were selfish about me. I felt totally alone in the universe. Things were swirling before this happened. Now it's somewhere beyond.
I thought what about God? Where is he in all this? If talking to him is supposed to help, okay, help. I need help. I need help God.
Then what came to my mind something like a ball of atomic light spreading rays, some before and above my head. It wasn't disruptive but big and had a soothing weight. I seemed to hear “This will all pass Steve. It will work out. You'll survive this. It's not the end of the world. It will smooth out.”
Naturally I calmed down a little bit. I know, it could be all in my mind. But then again, it could be real. I take it as real. It can't get realer than this.